Pond Park

A morning spent at the park. With good friends. So good. (more hitting happened though *sigh*) And then we were on our own for a while. He's so adventurous. A climber, a jumper, a balancing acrobat. We watched ants, a duckling, squirrels, birds. We talked about tree roots. We looked at algae and paw prints in the mud. We've got it pretty good.

The World is His Desk

My friend Carolyn told me that there were old school desks at our local thrift store. And I had to get one for Bowie. With a coupon I got the double desk and one school chair for $6. I put it in the corner of his room that is surrounded by windows. I think a view outside is so important for the soul. I think a view outside is so important for the imagination, and inspiration, and for beauty. As imperfect and sad a backyard as we have, he can look at trees, clouds, bugs, birds, squirrels, spiders, wind, light, his tee pee, our pets, rain, and on this day he could watch the rare sight of ice in Austin.

Anyway, I look at this photo and I wonder how this desk will look in a year. It will be more him in some way I can't quite guess at yet. Stickers? Collection of sticks? What will he be interested in over that time? It's so exciting.

I am loving his obsession with dinosaurs. I never knew anything about dinosaurs. Somehow I think I acquired nearly no knowledge about them until about 9 months ago. But now I am learning things that I can't believe I didn't know. I am reading Digging Dinosaurs about the discovery of Maiasaura fossils and most importantly NESTS found in Montana during the late 1970s. And this is all a gift from Bowie. He opened up this world of interest.

One of the things I read about unschooling is that the experience of completely immersing ourselves into a subject so deeply that it may appear to be all that we are interested in at the time (perhaps scaring others into wondering whether we are learning math, or spelling, or whatever) allows us to know that every subject has depth and therefore every subject is interesting. It doesn't have to be presented in some cute, graphic, dumbed-down or even in a beautiful, perfect, high level way. It is interesting if we can find the resources and allow ourselves to exhaust every area that intrigues us. If we allow ourselves and our children to have that experience, then we don't have to be constantly "lighting the fire".

I am a former teacher. It is/will be hard for me to let go of loving the order and beauty and storytelling of what I think is the best I learned about education. But I also realize that the best of what I previously learned about learning doesn't really feel in contradiction to unschooling, as I am coming to understand it. And it is frankly relieving. To trust him. To trust the wonder of the world. And it feels exactly like the trust and wonder I had in children that brought me into the field of teaching in the first place. Coming full circle.

He's Only Human

Bowie hit a friend today. Well first he threw metal race cars at D's head. And hit later. It's been a couple months since he's done this. Luckily, no one was hurt and each incident was eased over quickly with Bowie checking on D and rubbing him.

I really struggle with myself when he lashes out like this. I really have to talk myself down and remind myself that the impluse to act out in violence is a normal and natural one for a 2 year old. I have to tell myself that it is not my fault. It wasn't letting him watch Fraggle Rock that did this. It wasn't the organic vanilla yogurt with 27grams of sugar that did this. It just is. We all have this in us.

I was able to say this to him and it felt right to me, "Everyone gets mad sometimes. And sometimes we want to hit and hurt when we are mad. That is natural. But you have a loving heart and a strong mind to help you make a better choice." And I touched his chest and his head when I said it. How many times will I say this? Many , many I suspect. And I have to find peace with that.

Wintery Mix

We are at the end of 3 ice days! Chris has been home playing with us and cooking up a storm (first try at kolaches a success!). After what started out as the warmest winter anyone can remember, we finally got hit with a storm. They come every 3 years or so. It's ice more than snow and down here no one is prepared for icy roads. So everyone just stays in. When we had some snow flurries yesterday, we bundled up and went outside. The front yards all along our street were filling up with our neighbors. College kids played football in the street. People let their dogs roam off leash. That in itself was a magical sight. But Bowie in snow...such wonder! He could not eat enough of it. He was face down in it, lapping at it like a dog. And he ate at least 6 icicles. Probably 10. And he really wanted to have a snow fight. An unexpected vacation at home. It's been wonderful.

Chris is feeling a bit cooped up though. Stores are opening up and he's out to get more provisions (for broccoli soup and meatloaf and chard and butternut squash). Bowie is napping for the first time in weeks after reading Jane Yolen's Owl Moon. I'm listening to the drip of melting ice. Loving the wintry mix.

Unschooling

I have been inspired by some of my friends to begin exploring the idea of unschooling and autonomy for our children. It is truly mindblowing. Just what I needed right now. Bowie is on explode lately: he is learning SO much in so many areas, he is really feeling powerful with skills for independence. I've parented gently and lovingly and responsively all along (imperfectly to be sure, but almost always accessing those motivations) and philosphically was aligned with unschooling but hadn't really delved into it. But in just a couple of weeks, I can feel it hugely impacting my relationship with Bowie and confidence in this path we have chosen. Confidence in Bowie. It feels so good to be in this place.

Few things feel more right to me in the world than this...

This is quoted from this site: http://sandradodd.com/beginning

"Parent's job (since it isn't the controller of the child) is something like being the Provider of Joy. When in doubt, go for the option that offers the most joy."

Sad about the World Changing

Today Bowie told me this. In a very weary voice he said, "I'm sad about it. I'm sad about the world changing." When I asked him what was changing that made him sad, he couldn't say anything but "the world changing". So I laid down beside him and talked about how the world had changed. About the fiery ball that Earth once was, and then the cooling, and the plants and animals, and the dinosaurs. He loves dinsosaurs. We read at least one dino book a day and he loves to talk about how they became extinct. He has said that he's sad about the dinosaurs before, so I thought this might be related.

And I talked about how change can be good too. I told him that he had changed the world when he was born. That he had changed me. And that I was glad.

I asked him if he was sad about changing, about getting bigger. He said yes. He has been reaching for comfort by touching my breasts the past few days. He doesn't ask or pretend to nurse, but it obviously still gives him comfort to be near me in this way. It's been a week since his last nap, and I think this need to reconnect to me in this way may be related.

I talked about some of the changes in the world that make me sad and others that make me happy. And later in the day he said, "I used to be sad about the world changing. Now I am sad and happy."

No Nap

No Nap
Originally uploaded by autumn fawn.

We are now five days without napping. Bowie can be pretty manic at the end of the day. He's running on fumes and has to keep himself going or he will crash. Friday I was so tired. I almost always nap with him. I love napping. And I need it. But haven't been getting one. So I called and then text messaged Chris to come home as soon as possible, but he had a meeting starting at 4:45. I knew that it was all me until the end and I decided that we'd both be happier with him jumping on the bed and me taking pictures. Taking pictures lets me see the beauty of my life. It lets me see the joy that in the moment, which can be hard for me to recognize in my own tiredness or frustrations. So that was a therapy. We both did things we loved. Working on the photos that night was another kind of healing for me. See it again, Autumn. THIS is what no nap can be like. Pure joy.

His "To Do" List

Before going to bed, Bowie dictated this list of things that he wanted to do the next day:

play the Eye Spy matching game
play with marbles
play with S's
throw skateboards
throw marbles

Oh, I am trying and trying to make sure I remember all of these moments. These glimpses into his inner self are precious because people don't keep showing them in the open, enthusiastic, real way as he does now.

Rockin' Christmas

Bowie woke up Christmas morning to find a red drumkit just his size next to the Christmas tree in Chicago. All during the drive up he had been talking about his red drumset and Chris and I would look at eachother with "how does he know" expressions. We had the drums shipped there so he could never have seen them. Well, they were certainly meant to be together. He loves them and they are now set up in his room. I promise to shoot some video of it because it simply must be seen and heard. He often sings along too. After each song, he bows and names the song. Tonight the best was, "My Things are Everywhere".

A few nights ago, Bowie sang this song while we were driving:

I am dreaming about trees.

I am dreaming about cats.

I am dreaming about lights.

I am dreaming about dragons.

I am dreaming about mamas.

...

This is now one of our favorite family songs.

Unplanned Stop Over in St Louis

I started out the trip to Chicago sick. I got the stomach bug that Bowie had the week before. The first day we made it to Joplin, Missouri and I warned Chris that I wasn't well. The next day it was clear that I couldn't eat anything and after a couple of hours on the road, it was clear taht we couldn't continue on so we stopped and stayed in a St Louis motel for two nights. It was miserable for me. Luckily, Chris and Bowie had a great time going to the arch, the zoo, and Whole Foods for some applesauce and yogurt. I didn't eat at all for two days. I was so drained. But after seeing Jumanji and Hook and sleeping off and on for almost 3 days, I finally felt like it was safe to get on the road and be with family. I didn't get to eat Christmas dinner. I never had even one of the surely delicious desserts (in that family, if you don't eat it then it will not be around later!) It sucked. I was terrible company for Chris' family. But we made it. I feared that we wouldn't.

This photo was taken on the way home. Bowie LOVED the arch and the "bumpy" train up.

Early Christmas

These are some photos from Christmas with my family the week before Christmas. We recreated the holiday with our traditional chicken and dumplings, slept over and watched Polar Express. It felt like Christmas, despite the warm temperatures.

Hot Hot Hot Chocolate

Day 19

Day 20

Day 21

Day 22

I just watched Polar Express for the first time last week and I can't think of hot chocolate without that song! Bowie loved his hot treat. But loved the whipped cream more. Just like his mama.

Unfortunately, Bowie has been sick for three days so we did not get to do our final photos for teh advent calendar. A big IOU to the grandfolks. But it will be worth it. I promise!

About to travel to Chicago to visit the inlaws. I am very sad that it looks like we'll get no snow. I may convince Chris to chase it if it is anywhere semi-near. Merry Christmas everyone!

The Hat I Knit My Son

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17



Day 18

I knit my first hat. And it turned out okay I think. Bowie rejected it the first time I showed it to him. But he happily wore it for over an hour at the capitol grounds when we took these photos. He'd be doing somersaults and the hat would slide off and he'd ask me to fix it. I hope to make ones for my neice and nephew.

His Pleasure

Day 13

Day 14

Oh my boy. He thinks it's very funny to stick out his tongue, blow raspberries, and is really enjoying potty humor. Lots of talk about poop. He also is loving rhyming words. Dr Seuss style with totally nonsensical, madeup words is his pleasure.

Also, for those that have asked, I promise to take some pictures of my advent calendar photo album and explain it a bit.

Wreath from the Grandfolks

Day 11

Day 12

Bowie has been doing on alot of sucking on his lips and fingers. That last 2nd year molar is descending. Finally an end in sight to teething.

Baking Date

Last week our friend Carolyn invited us over for a cookie baking date. Bowie and his friends Oslo and Daniel rolled the peanut butter dough in sugar and sprinkles. Bowie then unwrapped just about all of the chocolate kisses after eating one. I was so pleasently amazed that he was satisfied by that one and didn't ask or sneak another one at all. He really loves cooking and helps Chris with baking almost every weekend. The peanut butter blossoms turned out wonderfully and it was great fun. Thank you Carolyn!

Day 9

Day 10

I took these photos outside of a little shopping center. There is a wonderful shop called Rootin Ridge where a husband and wife handmake wooden toys. There is a little workroom in this itty bitty shop with huge window . A riser is in front of it so children can watch them work. Bowie was fascinated watching a table and chairs be sanded and vacuumed clean. If you are looking for something special and handmade check them out!

http://www.rootinridge.com/

Strawberry Lolli

Day 7

Day 8

Well, Bowie is totally and completely initiated into the world of sweets. Halloween. The candy advent calendar from the grandfolks. And the photo shoots. But he is brushing his teeth more often! I don't think of it as a bribe but as a consequence...if he cares for his teeth he can eat things that aren't so healthy for his teeth; if he doesn't brush, he can't have additional sugars because nutrition is a component of good dental health. Plus, it really is a darling thing to share things that I love; and boy do I love sweets!

I had hoped taht he'd slowly savor this all natural and quite costly lollipop like he did for last year's advent photos. But he just chomped through it in no time!

The Most Handsome Santa

Day 5

Day 6

Santa's Milk and Cookies

Day 3

Day 4

Bowie dressed as Santa eating his milk and cookies. I bought this little Santa suit half off last year after the holidays planning on it making it's appearance in the advent calendar this year. I wasn't sure what to do with it though, but Bowie helped me with the idea of him eating Santa's milk and cookies. SO FUN that he is participating in this with me.

Christmas Advent Calendar Time!

Our third year of making advent calendar photo albums for the grandfolks. This year I promise to make one for myself!!!! Here are the first two days. Bowie and I went hiking at Wild Basin ona warm and overcast day for two hours in these adorable lederhosen that my mom found thrift storing. These are really from Germany and true suede, the real deal. SO cute.

When I Don't Take Photos

I have a terrible photographic addiction. To the point of returning from a marvelous, perfect, dreamy family/friend holiday campout and feeling sad that I didn't take enough pictures. That I woke up from nap just at the golden hour and that it was time to cook dinner. That Chris waded all the way across the river and I could see beauitful naked Bowie skipping rocks with his Papa, but that I was too far away to get a shot. That my gorgeous little 7 week old nephew bravely took his first camping trip with grace and I didn't get a single, not ONE!, photo of him.

Photos are how I reflect on my life and the people I share it with. When I don't have these images as proof of my love and joy, I feel sad for awhile.

Baby Teeth

Bowie is getting his last baby tooth. His upper right 2-year molar. It poked through the gun a smidge while we were camping. He's having a hard time staying asleep at night the past few days, which is unusal. HOW did it finally get here that he USUALLY sleeps through the night? Amazing how fast the phases pass. Amazing that my babe who was once toothless and soft gummed quite nearly has a mouth full of teeth. Sharp, long teeth according to Bowie.

Happy Thanksgiving

We have just returned from Garner State Park. Chris and I have camped out 7 of the past 8 Thanksgivings. The last 3 with Bowie. Our familes almost always join us and now we are camping with friends as well. It is a dream come true. I may have written here before how much I love camping, how I grew up camping, how I feel it is a precious gift that I give to Bowie that he have these freeing and frequent trips out of our daily city life. And that we can share this with our parents, my sister and her family, and now the families we are raising our son with makes it all the more precious.

Homebodies

Bowie and I have been spending a lot of time at home recently. And taking spontaneous trips to the children's museum. library, skating ramp which means we've been loners. It's totally his wish right now. This seems to be part of a cycle for him. There simply times when he wants to be home and just family if we do go on outtings. Seems to be during times when he is working through social lessons. And he learns so much during these times, socially and academiically since we are one on one and creative with our activities at home, and because we read the smae books over and over again.

Skeleton Family

BOO! We had a great Halloween. Bowie went trick or treating for the first time. The first house gave him one little bag of m&ms and he sat down in their lawn and ate it, piece by piece there! He loved it. We had prepped him for trading his halloween candy with the halloween fairy (had even found a little book about it at Halp Price Books). When we got in the car to come home, he started crying out of the blue saying he didn't want the fairy to take his candy away. We said he'd only trade if he wanted to. He did end up putting two babe ruths (out of about a total of a dozen candies) out on the porch for the fairy without any coaxing.

I am really impressed that he wasn't afraid. Last weekend we went to a Dia de los Luertos festival and he wasn't frightened there either. He watched me put my makeup on from start to finish. But he didn't want any on, which I'm sure was just as well since we literally crashed a church's fall festival when Bowie got into their bouncy house. (I was trying to hide the beer I was drinking during our trick or treating, hee hee!)