A Civilized Prehistoric Turtle

...that's what he saw carved there. My word! I didn't press the six flippers discrepancy.

Turn Turn Turn

Time has been turning on and on here. We have been traveling for the past two weeks. First to Illinois for Chris' grandma's memorial service and them "camping" for Thanksgiving. It has been strange to have been away so much this first month here in our new home. So much to process, to enjoy, to remember.

Here is Bowie at the edge of the Mississippi. This was his great grandparents' front yard. His grandpa grew up in the house that was built by hand and bit by bit when cash was available. His papa spent every summer here. Great grandpa Duard's ashed were spilled into this river at this spot 8 years ago. Although great grandma Betty moved out of the house afterward, we all assembled there again so that her ashes could mingle with her husband's in the river that they both loved so much. I read Margaret Wise Brown's The Dead Bird to Bowie a couple of times during this trip and he was definitely working through what it meant to be dead, what it meant to miss someone. Although he only met her a few times, he said that he loved her and that she loved him. After the service he took the microphone from the pulpit and said over and over again (volume off) that he loved her and was sad she was dead. Then he sang Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast (HA!)


One day at home to unpack and pack again before heading out for a chilly Thanksgiving. The past 9 years we have camped all but 2. This year we didn't think we could swing the preparation needed (not to mention find all the necessary equipment in our many unopened boxes from the move.) So we were so lucky to be invited to spend the holiday at a wilderness education ranch Chris' mom's school has. My folks came out and we had 400 acres to ourselves (cows, horses and dogs shared it with us.) It was wonderful. A huge lodge, big kitchen, fireplaces all ever the place, ping pong table, games,...and all the grandparents together! We had so many amazing meals (my inlaws love to cook.) We hiked everyday. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. No presents, no commercialism, just family and good food and, for us, always the presence of nature.

The first night we got back we drove by our former house to see it has already been reduced to a massive pile of rubble. It was late at night and we could hardly see so I thought maybe Bowie didn't know where we were or what we were seeing but he did. He said, "Our house was cut down." He was not upset at all. I, on the other hand, felt in shock for a few hours. But to all things there is a season. A time to end and to begin.

Moving On

We have our closing for our old house tomorrow. Today Bowie and I went to say goodbye. I touched the walls of each room and said thanks for the shelter, the memories, the lives we lived there. I touched the spot of the floor where Bowie was born and cried. This house will be torn down and new one built there. I have some sadness about that to be sure. But we are so thrilled with our new home that I really can walk away with more joy than regret.

All Time Favorite Night

Hurray, Bowie's favorite time of year. Hmm, how we he say it, "Halloween is my all time favorite night." He loved every aspect of it. Carving the pumpkin.



Early trick or treating (when he still wore the horns, they lasted about an hour).

And partying and trick or treating in our new wonderful neighborhood. Such a treat to see so many families out, having fun and making joy! I was smiling all night and I'd forget that my face was painted until I caught a curious or cautious gaze. Our great friends a couple of blocks away had their second annual Halloween party. SO fun. I took homemade Butternut Squash and Apple Soup. We pulled to the party in our wagon. Total bliss for me. Last year we left that party with me saying that we had to move over here. And here we are.




Saddly, Bowie's great grandma in Illinois passed October 31. She had just turned 89. We will miss her.

Out of the Old, Into the New

We move tomorrow. Out of this house, the house in which I have lived the longest in my life, the house were love, marriage, baby happened. Out of summer, the first day we swam in our new pool but perhaps the last warm day of the year. Tonight I shed a few tears about leaving this place. But I also felt like the luckiest person in the world to be swimming in my new backyard with my big, beautiful, happy son. I can be sad and happy at the same time.

The Quiet Blogging Mama

Last week I decided that I wanted to be living a little less virtually. I wrote a letter to Bowie rather than write in my blog. I told him how he's been saying recently, "Mama, I want to go everywhere your breasties go." Hee heeeee. He'll get a laugh out of that one day. But I hope he never feels any shame about it. I don't. It's the first place of comfort he found in this world and I simply see it no other way. I also have been doing lots and lots of thinking and reading, mostly about radical unschooling (unschooling in relation to the law of attraction.) It's been so transforming and perplexing and freeing. I am so grateful for a life that allows us to ebb and flow, grow and grow. I also am thinking and feeling a lot about this choice I've made to be so public with our lives. In my heart, I think it's good in many ways. So many mamas reaching out to each other, sharing and growing together. And it's been amazing for me as a photographer as well. But...well I'm trying to identify my concerns and I'm just laying low for a while so I don't feel hurried.

Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy this photo of Bowie. He is in full anticipation of Halloween mode lately. We went to the party store yesterday and he chose red hairspray for his costume. He had to try it out this morning. Then he painted my face this afternoon (sorry no photo of the bushy black eyebrows and red streak from my lips into my nostril and out to my cheek).

Snakie

Bowie's dear snakie. For about a week he was the beloved toy. Went to Barton Springs, the grocery store, the park. Bowie held him curled in his lap, on his wrists, his neck.

And now snakie lies underfoot in the car. The love is so intense and short. He sometimes returns to these loves. Rediscovers an old passion. Maybe one day, he'll look back on these photos and rediscover these loves of his life.

Asleep Again

Asleep Again
Originally uploaded by autumn fawn

Hmmmm, I'm in one of my internal times. We are having wonderfully unscheduled days with lots of freedom so that when we get the call to vacate our house to show it (hoping someone sees some of what we've loved about our home) we can happily go out without feeling rushed and put upon. I am also doing lots of thinking about unschooling, the law of attraction, reading a new book Killing Monsters. And just loving my crazy , beautiful boy so! Life is quiet (not sure if that's the right word, something more like flowing) and good here. May it be so with yours.

Busy

Been very busy with work and fun here. Not sitting at the computer much these days. Chris and I had a great time at ACL. Yo la Tengo ripped it up and had the crowd loving it despite the noon day sun on our necks. I've seen them three times and two of their shows are on my all time top 10 list. We took a break in the heat of the day to walk to a local dinner and movie theater to see Balls of Fire. It was so awesome to be in a black air conditioned room sipping glass after glass of water and indulging in a root beer float. We made it back for Wilco/My Morning Jacket. Why they were booked simultaneously is a mystery to everyone. Frankly, I wish we'd spent more time with My Morning Jacket. I love Wilco. Love their new album. One of their shows that we saw In New Orleans during Jazz Fest at the Howling Wolf is in my top 3 concerts. But I've seen them 3 times since and never seen that energy again. My Morning Jacket on the other hand, is always exuberant. I really loved the Decemberists as well. Couldn't help but sing along. But they are a band that is better suited for a small stage. I wish they'd hook up with someone in theater if they continue arena type festivals. Their songs are so theatrical, I can really imagine a huge puppet show or play behind them.

Bowie went to Sea World with my folks. Sounds like he had a great time. It's still bit strange that we had separate weekends, made our own memories. But so good too. Bowie did go Friday night and enjoyed the festival experience as much as Bjork, who I would not have missed for the world, though we did leave early because Bowie was ready to go. I told him I really wanted to see if she played "I Miss You" and he agreed, so I got to hear one of my favorites before heading out. I wish we could have been up closer because I know he'd really connect with her crazy style.

We also are trying to sell our house. Had an open house yesterday. Must be ready to leave with the dog at the drop of a hat, so must keep the house in showing shape at all times. Time to turn on the anal! This morning Bowie said he wanted to make a mess, poor dear.

Austin City Limits

09_15_07_04
Originally uploaded by myguerrilla

This photo was taken by myguerilla. Found it on flcikr. Maybe I'll catch some good shots today. Our third day at the festival...Bjork and Arcade Fire were amazing. Really looking forward to the Decemberists and Yo La Tengo today.

Eight

Yesterday was my birthday, so a bit of nostalgia I ran across while packing- a scan of a scan of me as a baby.

I was tagged by my friend Leah. We both share a love of wind through trees, photography, chocolate, and being mamas.

| the rules |

post the rules before you give the facts. post eight random facts about yourself. at the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names. leave the people you tagged a comment on their blog, letting them know that they've been tagged.

leah's lilypad

I can get a perfect score at the "hard" level of Karaoke Revolution on Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time. Close on "expert" but not perfect yet.

My big toe is the tallest of my toes.

I am reading Behind the Scenes at the Museum right now. I like it!

I plan on getting my first tattoo soon. Don't know what yet.

My bellybutton is an innie.

I love historical romance movies and books...even trashy ones.

I sleep on the left side of the bed.

I hate cleaning toilets.



I might break the rules and skip the tagging bit. I'm a bad blogging gamer.

Frankenstein

I'm sick with a throat and ear infection and poor Bowie has been a bit bored. So we went to the park this morning. He wanted to wear his "Frankenstein" costume that we bought last year during the after Halloween half off sales. He said it was Frankenstein then and I didn't correct him. He still doesn't know anything abotu Frankenstein other than he's worked out that he's some sort of monster. Now that he's very interested in comic book characters, I suspect he'll figure out soon that this costume is meant to be the Hulk. He ran and ran and jumped and climbed, keeping himself busy and letting me watch. Love that boy.

The Lost Horn of Africa

We have just started the process of packing up our house. We are moving. We are all sad about it sometimes, sad to go and sad about the work of it. But there are some strange rewards, such as finding forgotten things. This is a drinking horn from Cameroon. It is fascinating to Bowie for obvious reasons.

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, I appreciate your comment yesterday. These experiences give me the opportunity to reflect and confirm or reflect and alter my parenting beliefs. I hope this doesn't come across as defensive, but well, I do have very strong beliefs about what you wrote. I think we are simply coming from differing premises.

"It just seems that if he knows that he doesn't have to [do] anything really hard for him, he won't experience that pride that comes from accomplishing something really difficult."

I agree that effort is so important. But I find that life is naturally full of these situations. He mastered crawling, walking, signing, talking, riding a bike, memorizing books, playing drums...see where I'm going with this? So I don't see the need to keep him in a situation that isn't making him happy for the chance to teach him to work hard when he doesn't need the lesson.

I believe that the real opportunities for having these experiences of challenge and accomplishment lie in the goals he makes for himself. For example, he's really swimming, and it is obviously very difficult for him to pull himself him up for air, he swallows water, struggles so hard, and immediately says, "Do it again!". He all of a sudden wants to swim, he's chosen this goal for himself and is working to the ends of his abilities over and over again.

It is through these 1000s of authentic experiences of struggling for what he wants to accomplish that he will build up the character trait of perseverance. As he matures, he will see our model of working through difficulties for the benefit of others and will find value and pleasure in that as well.

I chose school for him. And while I hoped he'd enjoy it and grow from it, I chose it so that I'd have time to exercise. This isn't his goal to go to school. My goal is to exercise and I can find other solutions that aren't so stressful for him, meeting all of our needs.

"...he's a three year-old who lives in the moment, as they all do, and can't have the perspective that you have to know that even though it's hard today, it will get better and more familiar with time."

He is three. He doesn't know the future. But neither do I. I don't know that it will get better for him, though I think it probably would. I do know how he's feeling now though. I believe in living in the now as much as possible. I believe in respecting others feelings. And these are how I want him to see us living our lives.

I have more to write, more to celebrate, but life calls...

Schooling Experiment Finished

I'll write more about this later, but I decided to withdraw Bowie from school. He has not wanted to attend for 2 weeks now and has been exhibiting a lot of anxiety (had to call me after he was crying for over an hour the last time he attended). Today he said that he never wanted to go back and with all the signs and those very clear words, I felt it was not in his best interest to continue. He happily went to the nursery at the YMCA and I'll be advertising for babysitters to find a better solution for all of us.

Splash!

Summer. Still summer. We often have Friday night dinner at Mandola's followed with (or sometimes preceded by) a romp in the Triangle's dancing fountains. I bring extra underwear and just let Bowie at it. Last night we stood in front of the gelato counter after our meal but Bowie amazingly opted to hurry on to the fountain! What fun.

Yogurt Pops

Plain yogurt, honey, frozen mixed berries, orange juice in the blender and YUM!

Falling In Love Again

It's like he's my new baby again. I can't stop looking at him, like when I held him all curled up arms for 20 hours a day. To me, he looks younger. I see him as 1 again, when his hair was a bit like this. But he is my mature boy who asked me this morning if I was sad and said, "I want you to be happy about this." while touching my shoulder gently.

Oh.

And i am truly happy for him. And falling in love all over again.

Cut From Him

on his swaddling blanket
his baby hair
i keep them
and let go of him

he is becoming
his own

Remembrance

Now I'm crying. I held it together all along (except for the slightly sick feeling in my gut). But now, alone, looking at this ponytail of Bowie's baby hair...golden, soft and fine, it's been with him through all his life and now it is cut from him. I will keep it to stroke and hold myself. My boy. My baby.

About a month ago, Bowie started saying that he wanted to cut his hair short. Shave it like his papa's. I said that if he still felt that way after we came back from vacation that we'd do it. It's his hair. He should choose. I have a friend that dated a young man who kept his hair very short and didn't want anyone to touch it because his hair as a boy had been long and curly and he hated the attention. I always thought of this when *my* desire to keep it long butted against Bowie's wishes to cut it. Well, he didn't mention it again until a few days ago. We've been swimming alot (REALLY swimming ya'll, more about that later) and I think it's really been bugging him that his whole face would get covered by his hair. So we went to Cool Cuts for Kids, showed them an adorable skaterdude haircut that Bowie and I both liked and he ended up with this conservative cut. Next time I'll be more of a bear and make sure we get what we want, but I just wanted it to be as easy as possible for him and he was an ANGEL. What a big boy. Truly.