My favorite daily digest of sorts...The Daily Groove. Every morning there is a short message that inspires, comforts, challenges me in some way. I often forward it Chris. They sometimes get discussed late at night over beer in the backyard. These little tidbits for the soul and mind don't always speak to me, but they almost always resonate with me in a deep way affecting not just my parenting but my whole life.
A couple of weeks I pulled out of a foul mood/insomnia with the help of a recent tip...keep a little list of small things/acts that help you feel better when you want to go up the emotional scale. My hubbie was trying to help me but could do no right. I finally thought, "What would be on my list? Listening to Nick Drake, of course." So Chris put my favorite Drake tune on "One of These Things First" and the funk just seeped away. Here is a recent one that I think of often in my day:
Virtually all of us "lose it" with our kids at some point. Then later we say, "I didn't want to yell at my child, but I couldn't stop myself."
If you want to avoid these parent-child "collisions," you have to pay more attention to your "inner stoplight": stress.
Suppose you're worried about getting your child to an appointment on time. Worrying is stressful, so it's a red light telling you to stop and get centered before moving on. But long ago you were trained to tolerate stress, so you don't notice the red light. You're on a collision course!
Which parent is more likely to end up yelling, the one who's centered or the one who's stressed?
Today, pay close attention to your subtle feelings. Decide that even "mild" tension or irritation is a red light. Stop, breathe, reach for better-feeling thoughts, and wait for the green-light feeling of *relief* before you take action
Feel free to forward this message to your friends! (Please include this paragraph and everything above.) Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle
Simple stuff like that. But not easy stuff. Not for me. Not yet. The more intentional I am, the more present, I recognize my emotions sooner and the relief comes sooner. But I run a lot of red lights still.
I have watched this video of Bowie several times today, sometimes with Bowie in my lap, or Chris behind my shoulder, or simply by myself. I have all these feelings about how deeply I've changed in the past couple of years. I heard my voice, full of true joy for Bowie and his excitement about a noisy, plastic robot with a gun that he found at the thrift store today. I am finding peace by giving myself over to joy. I hear myself say "shooting" and "gun" without hesitation, without judgment and it honestly sort of surprises me because I know it has not been easy to trade my fears for joy. I didn't expect my home to be littered with plastic weapons and noisy remote controlled battery eating robots. I didn't WANT my home to be littered with plastic weapons and noisy remote controlled eating robots. But it often and increasing is a home to these things and I can now see them as part of Bowie's joy, part of his big, big world. I can now trust that he finds value everywhere he chooses to explore. I am beginning to trust that *I* can find value everywhere he chooses to explore by choosing to experience the joy instead of the fear.
And it helps that he still loves to sit beside a turtle pond for hours.
I appreciate the people that have contacted me about my blog. I am struggling with it. Feeling self aware. I am such a ruminator, such a writer, such an introvert that I am drawn to it in so many ways. But I am sensitive, thin skinned. And have been feeling especially vulnerable lately. Really what is at issue is my fear of judgment. I am trying to work it out.
We live pretty close to the UT campus. Both Chris and I graduated from UT. We still like to hang out there, there's always interesting stuff to be found. Yesterday Bowie and I walked down to the bus stop and rode to the drag for breakfast bagels and ended up going all over campus and spending the entire day there. Fun! and exhausting.
We spent about 2 hours at the turtle pond. Friendly, hungry turtles kept swimming up to him and he commented, "They seem to be taking a liking to me." There is an enormous snapping turtle there. A nice young man chatted with Bowie through his whole lunch break and told him that the turtle is named Snappy.
Then we walked over to the East Campus to visit the memorial Museum (a favorite trip of Bowie's). It's small and free and he loves it.
We had our lunch in the Union building. Tired little boy asked if there was a hotel in there where he could rest! I told him on the 3rd floor there are cushy chairs for resting. He quietly hopped around the sleeping students for about an hour. Hee heee.
And then we made our way home, about 7 hours later. We didn't plan on being gone all day, it just flowed that way. Love our open, free days.
