Big Scary Oops

Last night we went to the Zilker Christmas Tree with Michele and Finn. It was fun spinning under all of those lights. We played "Ring around the Rosie" and we swung the boys in circles. Then we got on an empty stage. Ah, recipe for disaster? Would you have done it? Well, we did although all us adults entertained some feelings of nervousness. All was well, until Bowie ran to the back of the stage reaching for the railing. I was just feet from him. I know that he wanted to grab it and lean out like he does on the playscapes. But he couldn't reach it and fell straight down onto the ground below, at least a 4 foot drop. I screamed so that my voice was hoarse all night and leapt after him (hoping as i jumped down that my animal mind looked at his position so that I wouldn't jump right ON him.) He was still and silent until I picked him up. His dirt covered face was frozen in a huge scream and inhale. It took several seconds before he finally wailed. It was so terrifying. I didn't cry like I did when he pulled hot water onto himself. I was too scared. I held him and rocked him while Chris checked over his body, sqeezing his arms and legs, hands, rubbing his head to see if Bowie reacted in pain. About five minutes later Bowie was calm but clearly dazed. I wondered if we should be concerned about a concussion, but his eyes looked fine. By the time we got home, we was quite nearly himself. That's when I finally could react. I was a tense ball of nerves all evening. I felt guilty for letting my baby get hurt. I questioned whether I had done something wrong, been negligent. It had been my suggestion after all to go up on the stage. (reminding me of the time that i suggested that the window be "base" and destiny cut open her arm, slicing her wrist tendon in half the morning or my grandfather's funeral.) But really, I want him to take risks. Reasonal ones, of course. I don't want to overly protect him and create an atmosphere of distrust. But it is so hard to see him hurt! I told Chris that I was just gonna sleep with Bowie, but he suggested that we all sleep together in our bed. It's a tight, tight squeeze with Chris bearing the brunt of Bowie's kicks. I gave him arnica tablets every time I thought of it and this morning he has a slight bruise on his left eye and scratches above and below. Poor, poor baby. But it could have been terribly worse. It could have been awful. I am so grateful that it wasn't as bad as it might have been.

A small oops. I had told my mom a few weeks ago that wooden train stuff and even a playtable would be good for Bowie. I had a little train set in my car today and she saw it. It was clear that she was hurt. I told her that I could take it back. That she could give the train set and table. Oops!

So I'm off to create another magical Santa gift idea...