Thursday, May 08, 2008

Sweetest Staying Up Late Boy Ever

Last night I had some mama friends over for pool night (though nobody swam haa haaa) so tonight I was feeling really beat by the hottest day of the season and a long afternoon in the backyard. Bowie was dragging his feet but I could not wait any longer for sleep. So when Bowie said he wanted the lights on in his room, I said , "Okay. I am going to go in my room because I want to sleep and you know how I prefer a dark room for sleeping." He played in his room for a few minutes, then came to me saying he was hungry. I told him that he could get food for himself but that I was staying in bed. He said he was afraid of the dark. I reminded him that he can turn on the lights now. So he got his lantern, turned on the kitchen light, went to the fridge and got out yogurt, brought it to me to open, took it back to the dining room and ate it. I heard him ask, "Is it okay to open the trash can?" I answered, "Of course sweetie." He came into my bed and said, "I didn't want to wake you up with the loud trash can. I put my dirty spoon in the dishwasher mama. I opened it up, put it in the basket and shut the door. But I didn't press the button to turn it on because I wanted to be quiet and the dishwasher is very noisy." He flipped around on the bed a bit then said, "Is the flusher loud in here?" I told him it wasn't too loud in the bedroom and asked if he needed to go potty. He said, "Yep" and jumped off the bed and across the hall to potty. I heard him in there, one time passing gas and I heard this little, "Excuse me." I smiled with my eyes shut tight in my dark comfy room, thinking about what a wonderful little soul this boy has. He returned, curled up next to me and fell right to sleep. Sure there are the demanding moments, the angry and seemingly unreasonable moments (on both sides), he is full of all these real emotions and experimenting with communication. But the caring boy that took care of himself quietly and politely so that I could sleep...he lightens my heart and fills me with trust. Thank you sweet boy. I am counting this night as a Mama's day gift.



This photo is from a few nights ago. His self chosen dinner...naked in his camp chair, a box of cherry tomatoes, half an apple and half a pint of strawberries. Just in case I was feeling odd about the whole child size pizza and 2 cookies from Mandola's that were his lunch; he ALWAYS shows me that I can trust him to know what he needs!

3 comments:

Tacie said...

I wish I could talk with you regularly. As I said before, my Soren will be 4 June 15, and our kids seem to be so very similar. I know that we are parenting somewhat differently, but I also have already learned so much from what you have shared. Soren is loving,sweet and strong. I hear (through your blog)that you are attempting to reinforce his expressions and experimentation with emotions and language. Can you give me some specific examples of how you are doing that? Soren is sometimes experimenting with statements like "You don't love me" or "I am NOT your girl". Most of the time she interrupts activities with "Hey mom,.... I love you." So, I know part of it is looking to see how we will respond. Usually, we just say, "Well, I will always love you and you will always be my girl." Right now she is going through trials of sadness because her older bro. who we adopted is not residing with us. We visit him weekly, but it is incredibly difficult for her to understand. So, when she gets upset about anything she always wants to re-hash those feelings. At that point we simply validate her sadness and pain and empathize with her. How does Bowie experiment with language, what do you do when you hear the inevitable "No, I won't....", how do you respond to any harsh sentiments he is trying out? Like Bowie, Soren seems to be pretty emotionally savvy along with having a very good vocab, I think this can be tricky. Sometimes her concerns and comments seem way beyond her age. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! As always, thanks for sharing! Tacie

Autumn said...

Tacie, thanks for reading and sharing too. I haven't dealt with any of those kind of statements ("You don't love me"). Yet. There are times when Bowie breaks down and it can feel like he's being very contrary. But I can usually grasp pretty quickly that he is really needing an emotional outlet and more than anything. So I don't take what is coming out personally, don't try to make it right, but just stay present with him. Show him I'm listening with eye contact, body contact (if he wants it at that time), and validating communication ("You are so angry right now. You really expected _______ and now you are so disappointed." I can see how I could extend this to the "I am NOT your girl" message...swallow up any personal hurt and really focus on the truth of our unconditional love to center myself, and try to respond with "Oh! You are not my girl? Okay." Smile. "I will always be your mama. And you will always feel like my girl to me." Something like that...


This book is a good resource for open, respectful communication in your family http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960

... said...

he seems like such a beautiful soal! i love how you two interact so well together.