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A sword. This letter opener from Mexico is his sword. Every stick offers to be either a sword, a spear, or drumstick. Today he said, "I feel happy when I kill people with my sword." Gut wrenching. But I know it is in direct response to my opposite words about how I'd feel if I killed a person. So I didn't let myself go into fear and sadness when he said these things to me, when he said he was killing me with his sword. Because he never once touched me with his weapons. And seconds later his sword was magic and he'd bring me back to life. Years ago, months ago I would have been filled with fear that this exploration into weapons and violence had to be controlled or managed in some way. But now I am feeling such trust and compassion for him as he works through it. And that feels good.
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3 comments:
You are such a wonderful mama.
Autumn, I was really moved by both your pictures of Bowie with his sword and your commentary. I know it is hard for you to hear these things, but I am so amazed at the way you are honoring the intention behind his words--to explore (the world as well as his mama's reactions). Dario often says very contrary things to me--really along the lines of, "What a beautiful sky, Dario!" "No, it's a beautiful red sky!" I mean, it's that nonsensical, and I see the same thing in what Bowie said. He's sort of thinking, what happens when I turn this idea upside down? And obviously he's touched on a very loaded place. I'm really impressed by the way you are handling your and his feelings about this situation. Love, Erin
Oh, thank you mamas for sharing with me.
Erin, I always love to hear what Dario is doing and how you are experiencing it with him.
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