Wishes Afloat

This is a photo that miraculously captures the first time Bowie successfully blew the seeds off a dandelion. (Good practice for blowing out birthday cake candles!) May all your wishes come true, sweetie.

I am so thankful for my camera. I am so thankful for the chance to see these days over and over again. I think I will remember. I try to make time to reflect and absorb. But as much as it feels like I could never forget this perfect moment, this monumental achievement, I do forget. Sometimes immediately, sometimes slowly. But through these 1000s of photographs, I can go back in some way. And he can go back too. He sits in my lap and looks at these photographs and we talk about what we remember. Which I think is important both cognitively and emotionally for him. It is essential for me.

I want to share this article from the Natural Child Project. It starts:
As a parenting counselor, I often get calls from bewildered and confused parents who say, "My baby was so angelic. Then one day the "monster" came out. I did everything right. He was born peacefully, he is still nursing on demand, still sleeps next to me, and I carried him all of the time. Why is he becoming so difficult now (at age 2, 3, or 4)?"

What has happened is actually a wonderful result of a relationship of trust and a deep bonding fostered by healthy attachment. The young child trusts her parents absolutely, and in that trust she rightly assumes that they are on her side and that she is safe and welcome to spread her wings. The way young humans spread their wings, however, is not always convenient to adults.

It is not convenient when the toddler needs to play with mud, experiment with water, take things apart, exert much energy or when he needs to be watched, held, and read to for hours. Most attachment parents do accept inconveniencing with love when the child is an infant and a baby. It is not convenient when the baby drools on us, gets us wet, messes the floor with food, or wakes us up seven times a night - yet in our trust we can see that those are her needs, and in our commitment to provide attachment, we accept those needs with love and without judgment. We don't try to teach our baby to stop drooling or to stop crying for her needs to be met. The transition from helpless baby to active toddler can mislead parents into a change in approach, from one of total trust and acceptance to one of teaching and struggle.

Last week, Bowie couldn't get to sleep with Chris (who puts him to sleep 90% of the time) and asked for me. Once I laid down next to him, he immediately softened his body and put his head to mine. I remembered those early days of his life when I would watch him sleep for hours and hours, barely able to tear myself away from him. That night, after he fell asleep, I sat and looked at him with that same wonder and love. I reminded myself that he is barely more than a babe despite all his skills and knowledge.

We are all vulnerable. We all need unconditional love. We all need patience and respect. No matter how old. Especially at 2. And still at 3.