Pond Park

A morning spent at the park. With good friends. So good. (more hitting happened though *sigh*) And then we were on our own for a while. He's so adventurous. A climber, a jumper, a balancing acrobat. We watched ants, a duckling, squirrels, birds. We talked about tree roots. We looked at algae and paw prints in the mud. We've got it pretty good.

The World is His Desk

My friend Carolyn told me that there were old school desks at our local thrift store. And I had to get one for Bowie. With a coupon I got the double desk and one school chair for $6. I put it in the corner of his room that is surrounded by windows. I think a view outside is so important for the soul. I think a view outside is so important for the imagination, and inspiration, and for beauty. As imperfect and sad a backyard as we have, he can look at trees, clouds, bugs, birds, squirrels, spiders, wind, light, his tee pee, our pets, rain, and on this day he could watch the rare sight of ice in Austin.

Anyway, I look at this photo and I wonder how this desk will look in a year. It will be more him in some way I can't quite guess at yet. Stickers? Collection of sticks? What will he be interested in over that time? It's so exciting.

I am loving his obsession with dinosaurs. I never knew anything about dinosaurs. Somehow I think I acquired nearly no knowledge about them until about 9 months ago. But now I am learning things that I can't believe I didn't know. I am reading Digging Dinosaurs about the discovery of Maiasaura fossils and most importantly NESTS found in Montana during the late 1970s. And this is all a gift from Bowie. He opened up this world of interest.

One of the things I read about unschooling is that the experience of completely immersing ourselves into a subject so deeply that it may appear to be all that we are interested in at the time (perhaps scaring others into wondering whether we are learning math, or spelling, or whatever) allows us to know that every subject has depth and therefore every subject is interesting. It doesn't have to be presented in some cute, graphic, dumbed-down or even in a beautiful, perfect, high level way. It is interesting if we can find the resources and allow ourselves to exhaust every area that intrigues us. If we allow ourselves and our children to have that experience, then we don't have to be constantly "lighting the fire".

I am a former teacher. It is/will be hard for me to let go of loving the order and beauty and storytelling of what I think is the best I learned about education. But I also realize that the best of what I previously learned about learning doesn't really feel in contradiction to unschooling, as I am coming to understand it. And it is frankly relieving. To trust him. To trust the wonder of the world. And it feels exactly like the trust and wonder I had in children that brought me into the field of teaching in the first place. Coming full circle.

He's Only Human

Bowie hit a friend today. Well first he threw metal race cars at D's head. And hit later. It's been a couple months since he's done this. Luckily, no one was hurt and each incident was eased over quickly with Bowie checking on D and rubbing him.

I really struggle with myself when he lashes out like this. I really have to talk myself down and remind myself that the impluse to act out in violence is a normal and natural one for a 2 year old. I have to tell myself that it is not my fault. It wasn't letting him watch Fraggle Rock that did this. It wasn't the organic vanilla yogurt with 27grams of sugar that did this. It just is. We all have this in us.

I was able to say this to him and it felt right to me, "Everyone gets mad sometimes. And sometimes we want to hit and hurt when we are mad. That is natural. But you have a loving heart and a strong mind to help you make a better choice." And I touched his chest and his head when I said it. How many times will I say this? Many , many I suspect. And I have to find peace with that.

Wintery Mix

We are at the end of 3 ice days! Chris has been home playing with us and cooking up a storm (first try at kolaches a success!). After what started out as the warmest winter anyone can remember, we finally got hit with a storm. They come every 3 years or so. It's ice more than snow and down here no one is prepared for icy roads. So everyone just stays in. When we had some snow flurries yesterday, we bundled up and went outside. The front yards all along our street were filling up with our neighbors. College kids played football in the street. People let their dogs roam off leash. That in itself was a magical sight. But Bowie in snow...such wonder! He could not eat enough of it. He was face down in it, lapping at it like a dog. And he ate at least 6 icicles. Probably 10. And he really wanted to have a snow fight. An unexpected vacation at home. It's been wonderful.

Chris is feeling a bit cooped up though. Stores are opening up and he's out to get more provisions (for broccoli soup and meatloaf and chard and butternut squash). Bowie is napping for the first time in weeks after reading Jane Yolen's Owl Moon. I'm listening to the drip of melting ice. Loving the wintry mix.

Unschooling

I have been inspired by some of my friends to begin exploring the idea of unschooling and autonomy for our children. It is truly mindblowing. Just what I needed right now. Bowie is on explode lately: he is learning SO much in so many areas, he is really feeling powerful with skills for independence. I've parented gently and lovingly and responsively all along (imperfectly to be sure, but almost always accessing those motivations) and philosphically was aligned with unschooling but hadn't really delved into it. But in just a couple of weeks, I can feel it hugely impacting my relationship with Bowie and confidence in this path we have chosen. Confidence in Bowie. It feels so good to be in this place.

Few things feel more right to me in the world than this...

This is quoted from this site: http://sandradodd.com/beginning

"Parent's job (since it isn't the controller of the child) is something like being the Provider of Joy. When in doubt, go for the option that offers the most joy."

Sad about the World Changing

Today Bowie told me this. In a very weary voice he said, "I'm sad about it. I'm sad about the world changing." When I asked him what was changing that made him sad, he couldn't say anything but "the world changing". So I laid down beside him and talked about how the world had changed. About the fiery ball that Earth once was, and then the cooling, and the plants and animals, and the dinosaurs. He loves dinsosaurs. We read at least one dino book a day and he loves to talk about how they became extinct. He has said that he's sad about the dinosaurs before, so I thought this might be related.

And I talked about how change can be good too. I told him that he had changed the world when he was born. That he had changed me. And that I was glad.

I asked him if he was sad about changing, about getting bigger. He said yes. He has been reaching for comfort by touching my breasts the past few days. He doesn't ask or pretend to nurse, but it obviously still gives him comfort to be near me in this way. It's been a week since his last nap, and I think this need to reconnect to me in this way may be related.

I talked about some of the changes in the world that make me sad and others that make me happy. And later in the day he said, "I used to be sad about the world changing. Now I am sad and happy."

No Nap

No Nap
Originally uploaded by autumn fawn.

We are now five days without napping. Bowie can be pretty manic at the end of the day. He's running on fumes and has to keep himself going or he will crash. Friday I was so tired. I almost always nap with him. I love napping. And I need it. But haven't been getting one. So I called and then text messaged Chris to come home as soon as possible, but he had a meeting starting at 4:45. I knew that it was all me until the end and I decided that we'd both be happier with him jumping on the bed and me taking pictures. Taking pictures lets me see the beauty of my life. It lets me see the joy that in the moment, which can be hard for me to recognize in my own tiredness or frustrations. So that was a therapy. We both did things we loved. Working on the photos that night was another kind of healing for me. See it again, Autumn. THIS is what no nap can be like. Pure joy.

His "To Do" List

Before going to bed, Bowie dictated this list of things that he wanted to do the next day:

play the Eye Spy matching game
play with marbles
play with S's
throw skateboards
throw marbles

Oh, I am trying and trying to make sure I remember all of these moments. These glimpses into his inner self are precious because people don't keep showing them in the open, enthusiastic, real way as he does now.

Rockin' Christmas

Bowie woke up Christmas morning to find a red drumkit just his size next to the Christmas tree in Chicago. All during the drive up he had been talking about his red drumset and Chris and I would look at eachother with "how does he know" expressions. We had the drums shipped there so he could never have seen them. Well, they were certainly meant to be together. He loves them and they are now set up in his room. I promise to shoot some video of it because it simply must be seen and heard. He often sings along too. After each song, he bows and names the song. Tonight the best was, "My Things are Everywhere".

A few nights ago, Bowie sang this song while we were driving:

I am dreaming about trees.

I am dreaming about cats.

I am dreaming about lights.

I am dreaming about dragons.

I am dreaming about mamas.

...

This is now one of our favorite family songs.

Unplanned Stop Over in St Louis

I started out the trip to Chicago sick. I got the stomach bug that Bowie had the week before. The first day we made it to Joplin, Missouri and I warned Chris that I wasn't well. The next day it was clear that I couldn't eat anything and after a couple of hours on the road, it was clear taht we couldn't continue on so we stopped and stayed in a St Louis motel for two nights. It was miserable for me. Luckily, Chris and Bowie had a great time going to the arch, the zoo, and Whole Foods for some applesauce and yogurt. I didn't eat at all for two days. I was so drained. But after seeing Jumanji and Hook and sleeping off and on for almost 3 days, I finally felt like it was safe to get on the road and be with family. I didn't get to eat Christmas dinner. I never had even one of the surely delicious desserts (in that family, if you don't eat it then it will not be around later!) It sucked. I was terrible company for Chris' family. But we made it. I feared that we wouldn't.

This photo was taken on the way home. Bowie LOVED the arch and the "bumpy" train up.

Early Christmas

These are some photos from Christmas with my family the week before Christmas. We recreated the holiday with our traditional chicken and dumplings, slept over and watched Polar Express. It felt like Christmas, despite the warm temperatures.