Palo Duro Canyon

I love camping. Bowie does too. 100 degrees in the panhandle of Texas without Chris is a bit less than ideal, but we survived and made some good memories. Bowie and I drove up with my sis and her daughter. 12 hours. YIKES! But it was worth it to have my folks with their family, their grandkids especially. We avoied a bit of the heat and sun with a daytrip into Canyon where we went swimming at the 50 year old municipal pool and then visited the Panhandle Plains Museum. Our campsite was visited by wild turkeys and rabbits. Bowie rode his tricycle a lot. He and Honey played a lot of music. It was fun but also really hard; and I sure wish I could know what memories Bowie made.

Say Anything

I sat down thinking that I'd compile a list of things that Bowie has been saying, but it is truly immense. He can talk about nearly anything that he's been introduced to. He identifies many instuments, not just saying drum but accurately naming bass drums, snare drums, floor toms. He knows a triceratops when he sees one, a stegosaurus too. He also will tell you one of the theories of their extinction involving "a big rock go boom... that happens." He rarely talks about my breasties now that he's not nursing. But he does like to pretened that he is a baby dog nursing and that I am a mama dog. He spontaneously does a roll cal of his friends' names a few times a day. He knows our street name! He can say anything, though perhaps only understood by me sometimes. The world is his, he is absorbing it as quickly as I can offer it. It's so exciting!

Teepee

I am so relieved that Bowie loves his teepee. I honestly was a bit worried that I was forcing something on him, daydreaming for myself. But he really enjoys being in it. He lays there on his back with his right leg bent, ankle resting on his left knee looking up through the top. He thriws the pea gravel Chris laid beneath it. He asks to sleep in it. As soon as it cools down (3 months from now) and the mosquitos slack off a bit, we will and it will be a dream come true for me. I won't deny it. I'm not so unselfish. It's for me, too.

The Pianist

Oh my, he is so so musical! We stayed with Chris' folks when we went to Jack's funeral and Bowie LOVED the piano. He plays like a true precussionist and sings sings with all of his soul. John and Karen are threatening to sell or give the piano away. I wish we cold fit it in our home. I am hoping that after seeing these photos that they will want to hang on to it longer.

Jack

My grandmother suffered the loss of her husband last week. Jack had been very sick for over year. This man was a fighter, literally. He was part of the storming of Normandy. He was in the military for 30 years. Those of you that have known me, know that I am not a fan of the military. But I am filled with compassion for what he went through and fear of what he went through. Despite 3 wars, he managed to be a very open, loud, and fun character. My grandmother is so sad. My heart breaks for her. I can't imagine losing your love.

Clay

One of the birthday gifts Bowie received...clay. He has really been enjoying it. We borrowed some clay tools from connections family resource and he LOVES the hammer.

Rain Always Makes Him Smile

I know I've written about it before, but rainy days and our adventures out in them are some of my favorites. I can totally remember walking in the gutter just wearing panties, drinking hot rainwater, making boats and rafts from twigs to float in the street. Of course, I'd have a heartattck if Bowie were playing out on our street. Luckily we have a pretty enticing yard of mud.

What Big Eyes

He still is not quite sure of how to use them, but they are fun nonetheless.

Blanton

We visited the new art museum on UT's campus last weekend. We had to literally run through it but a few pieces caught Bowie's attention.

You Say It's Your Birthday

Bowie was born on my mom's birthday.
I was born on my dad's birthday.
Chris was born on my sister's birthday.

Taco Sabroso

After the party we napped and then ate at a fabulous taqueria on the east side called Taco Sabroso. Bowie took some pictures with my camera (the paternal portraits). And he sang his little two-year old heart out into the "microphone".

More Partying

See the white-trash above the ground pool? It's 8 feet diameter. We got it so Bowie could splash with his friends, but he pretty much cleared the pool of the happily, gently splashing kids with his huge full body jumping splashes. Our friend Bridie was the only one that was game.

Party Scenes

I tried to keep it small. Ended up with 9 of Bowie's best friends and their families. It was wonderful. I didn't get to take pictures, chat with friends, or even play with Bowie much as I ran around. But I often stopped and smiled with joy seeing so many of the people that are special in our lives together, a yard full of kids.

He's Two

Red Bud Isle

The best dog park in Austin if your dog (or child) likes to swim. We had our playgroup there this Wednesday. All black dogs in our group. The last photo is of our dar friend Finny (as Bowie says) and his beautiful dogs Bo and Luna.

Bowie just got over roseola. I realized that is what he's been suffering from all week. It seemed to just be hard core 2-year molars teething with fever, but then the rash came and went. Hope he didn't get any of our friends (or strangers for that matter) sick.

The strangest thing that came out of this illness is that Bowie seems to have self-weaned himself. I will give it a few days before I really feel sure that is what's happened, but he hasn't nursed since Sunday night. I thought it was because his mouth hurt but now he rarely talks about it and just pretends and giggles. I have many many thoughts and emotions about this which I will share in a few days.

The clock is ticking...he'll be 2 in 3 days.

One week

It's challenging lately. But equally as rewarding. Bowie is cracking himself up with real jokes ("Mama is an alligator. NO she's not."), spinning till too dizzy to stand, telling me "Mama's cute" (I'm pretty sure this isn't a joke because he doesn't giggle afterwards), singing singing singing, gosh does he ever love to make ANYTHING a microphone and sing. He'll be two soon. In one week.

I am overcome with nostalgia. This weekend a good friend was in labor with her second child. I thought about her so much, my mind was constantly imagining her strength and the joy of birth, no matter how hard it is, the difficulties are dwarfed by the joy. Of course I couldn't help remembering our birth story. The images and emotions connected to those memories are very strong. It was so long ago and just yesterday. I can recall it all but I am beginning to forget.

Great weekend for us. Got loads of yardwork done. Fun projects like putting up a swing embellished with windchimes, erecting Bowie's birthday gift (a family sized tee pee), building the toddler-sized white trash above the ground pool. Bowie spent some fun time with Nonnie and Gramps while Chris and I worked (Chris digging and me shopping but never fo rmyslef, for the birthday party). And we went to a sweet party for a friend's 2nd birthday. It's so fun having playmates. Watching the interactions and listening in on the conversations (yes, he has some verison of a conversation) is so interesting!

I miss what he was. I revel in what he is now. I daydream about what will be...all that is possible for him. (And in all honesty, I have brief moments of fear and sadness about the future. But I'd be loony if I didn't right?)

Sweet Berry Farms

Thursday we drove out to Lexington with our friends Alix and Zsofi. When we stepped out of the car, the air smelled nearly sticky sweet with the scent of strawberries. Warm juice gushes out of the berries eaten straight from the plant - amazing. Goats, horse, donkey, lama and adorable wee puppies occupied the kids attentions for the majority of the time. So fun!

http://www.sweetberryfarm.com/

Bowie said something that really surprised me. He was very tired and we were finishing up our lunches. He and Zsofi both wanted to hold the basket and bucket that Zsofi brought. Bowie managed to get each of them and throw them. He never really hurt her, but they did hit her. And he was marching around saying, "I just wanna fight." OH. Where did this come from? He had heard his cousin say "Let's fight" while play fighting with sticks. It was very tame and Bowie had no idea what was going on, it seemed. That was the first time he'd ever heard the word "fight" I think. And then it showed up five days later in the emotional appropriate way just blows me away.

I expected it. But it still shocks me. I am so glad that he can tell me what he's thinking and what he wants. Lately he's been saying, "I just wanna throw it." And sometimes he does, but mostly he just says it, very emphatically, and doesn't throw what he would have previously thrown without hestitation. So I know it helps him. And it helps me really feel the need to interact with him respectfully and gently because it's so clear that he is so aware and capable.

A lot for me to think about recently.

Stickers

Today we saw Finnigan and he had motorcycle stickers on hs shirt. I guess that inspired Bowie because he covered his shirt this afternoon after discovering this set of stickers I'd been keeping in the address book (why? I don't know why it's there. why is there a recorder stuck in the corner of our bedframe? a snare drum in the chair?) Isn't it a beautiful creation?

Mayfield

We returned to one of my favorite places, Mayfield Preserve Monday morning. I had asked that we go as a family Mother's Day evening, during the golden hour to get some photos but the weather threatened to thunderstorm. So Bowie and I went on our own and I got some beautiful shots, if I do say so myself. Bowie is gaining confidence around the peacocks and just loves hiking with me (granted short hike, but we were interrupted by the temptaion of running water as you see.) I expect this will be a spot we return to over and over again through the years.

http://www.austinexplorer.com/Hiking/HikeDetail.asp?HikeID=52

Mother's Day

This morning we planted Bowie's placenta under a loquat tree. It's been in the freezer for almost 2 years. I am excited to watch it grow. Then my family came over for a brunch (yummy quiche, baked potatoes, broccoli, apricot bread). It was fun. I am kicking myself for not catching any pictures with Great Grandma Charlotte.

The Last Thing He Said

While I laid next to him, his back to me, the last thing Bowie said before he fell asleep was, "Mama and Bowie are friends." Oh my. He's totally blowing me away! Sweetness and so much expressiveness.

Of course there are the episodes of throwing things, saying, "nope. no thanks. nope. i don't want that anymore." (the "anymore" seems to go after every contrary comment lately.) They are intense periods that really test my patience, compassion, and creativity. But they pass. They always pass. I know that the majority of the time it's so wonderful and easy. Writing here, in Bowie's 2nd year journal, writing letters (I wrote two letters to him this year, for the future Bowie) and taking photographs all helps me keep in that place of gratitude and empathy through a good deal of those trying episodes.

But, I did yell at Bowie a few days ago. The second time I've yelled at him. I was trying to do dishes and he broke a vase and pulled the lid off a pot and I just broke. He had been pouring things out on the floor, getting into every snack in the house with his stepladder (he LOVES it) and I just didn't have an ounce of patience left for a split second. I yelled, "Get out of the kitchen! Just go! Go out!" He stood there in the doorway looking at me, after having run away from the scary crash of the le cruset stock pot lid. And I immediately knew that I had to stop doing dishes. I crouched down beside him, told him that I was angry and I got loud and that I was sorry. I hugged him and told him that even if I was angry, I always loved him. I left the dishes in the hot water and we sat on the couch to read. We just had to connect. He needed it; I needed it. I was then able to do the dished later (though in cooler water, Yuck!)

And Bowie and mama are still friends...bless his little/immense forgiving essence.

Wild Connections

We mothersuckers (an on-line natural pregnancy group that seemed to be littered with austinites that then became an on-line gentle parenting group and is now the wednesday playgroup for many of us) went into the hill country this morning. We visited http://www.wild-connections.com/ where we spent most of the time in the butterfly house and snacking near a pond. Bowie loves his "observation box" we got at saver's thrift store last week. We haven't observed anything other than a dwarf figurine, but he really likes to accessorize with it. Didn't get pictures but the most exciting event was seeing a turtle in the butterfly house creek. It was hiding under the footbridge and would peek out within a foot of the kids. They all were very still and respectful. Later Bowie and a friend got the special treat of seeing a baby turtle venture out for a moment.

A Year Ago at Big Bend

These photos are from the Big Bend trip we took last May. I sure was hoping we could go back this year, but it didn't work out for us. I love camping with Bowie. He has so much to explore, so much freedom, so many new experiences and through him we experience it anew again. What a gift our children are; they give us the chance to return to what we've loved since our childhoods and they show us new things to love as adults. Of course we are getting the heat here awfully early and we just won't camp in 100 degrees weather, but we are considering renting a pop up to help us get out again soon. I just can't wait until fall. My soul will shrivel up if I can't camp until then.

Well, a year ago Bowie wasn't walking yet. He was signing plenty but had just a handful of words. Now he runs, jumps, balances one-footed on his scooter, he sings and sings and sings, he has hundreds if not a thousand words. I am crying here, full of pride for him and his accomplishments and so shocked and sad that a year has gone by so quickly. I've been here every day of his life, full of wonder at him in all his stages of growth. He'll be a big boy, a teenager, a man before I know it. Why is that so sad to me? I guess because I know that each of those stages will mean that I have to let go of him a bit more, that I will be a little less part of him. But he will NEVER be a little less part of me. He came from me and I am imprinted with a world of love for him, body and soul.

Thank goodness he still calls himself my "little bird" and crawls into my "nest". I hope he will let us be affectionate for a lot longer.

Muddy Mother's Day

I got my early mother's day gift today. Bowie said while chattering away to himself (and me), "Mama is a sweet woman." Oh, stop, hug up that darling boy for making a dream come true. He is so wonderful to me.

Chris and I started a backyard project this weekend, during which we got 4 inches of rain. But we are trying to accomplish this task before Bowie's birthday, so we had to work on through it. I went out wiht Bowie this afternoon to do what I could and Bowie had a grand time getting filthy.

Finny

Our dear friend Finnigan and Bowie playing beneath the tree at Central Market. I remember being pregnant walking laps there and seeing kids play on those lovely low branches; I imagined a wild haired boy of mine under there and now he's here.

I'm Anti Sippy Cup

But it is Bowie's first attachment to an inanimate object. I got it for drives in the car. Then we said that he could have it in his bed at night. Now he wants it with him a good deal of the time. I am glad that this attachment came later than sooner. I am not a fan of sippies in general. I started Bowie on a shot glass very early on and he's used real glasses since then, until recently. He wants to help put the ice in it and holds it when falling asleep. He tucks it up under his arm when walking about. It's cute...even though it is a sippy.