Meeting Ashley

We finally got to meet our niece Ashley! Chris's brother Peter lives in Hong Kong. It was a huge treat for my inlaws, John and Karen. It was so evident how thrilled they were to have all their kids and grandkids together. Ashley is a very happy and big eyed beauty. She's got hazel eyes so far, just fascinating to have all those colors. There were a few undocuemented hugs and kisses between the cousins. Heartmelting until Bowie pushed her away. Then he'd want to hold and do it all again. His social skills just bloomed this vacation. But it was clearly a struggle for him. He was exhibiting a tad bit of jealousy/anxiety about having a baby around. And he shutdown every once in awhile, either by meltdown or total clinging. But the joy and communication and shared experiences were enormous.

I'm Gonna Ride Airplane

I'm Gonna Ride Airplane, originally uploaded by autumn fawn.

to California Beach. I'll go high in clouds. I see Grandma, and Grandpa, and Uncle Peter, Cousin Ashley, and Aunt Andrea. All the while making flight with his hand in the air.

We are back from Malibu! Tired, so tired. But excited about the adventures we had.

Bowie was really really excited about riding an airplane. I checked out books about them and borrowed a playschool airport set from connections. We learned al sorts of specific vocabulary. Like that the thing you walk through (on the right) is called a jet bridge. And that these airplanes can't go backwards so an airport tugger pushes them to the runway.

Malibu

I will just take a moment since I am supposed to be napping (ah, the luxuries of vacation!) We are in Malibu sharing a beach house with Chris' family. We spent the morning in the sand where Bowie pretty much stayed in a 20 square foot radius doing somersaults over the sandhills and playing the sand buckets/drums. The men broke two boogie boards (Chris broke one the day before on his first run) and I went out into the waves too. I will begrudglingly admit that it was a bit fun, but I got sea sick and salt water in my eyes to the point of crying. I hate the beach, unfortunately. Bowie is afraid of the ocean which in this case is smart and healthy. The waves are really big. I am very disappointed that it is hot here. And no ac, of course. Am having fun getting to know our niece Ashley a bit. She is just starting to get on her hands and knees. Bowie is having a bit of a hard time sharing the attention with her and is calling himself a baby and acting accordingly, sweet dear. Off to sleep with a bandana tied over my eyes to escape the ever present sun.

Chango's

Just some snaps I took at dinner last night. Chris got home late from work and I hadn't been able to get to the grocery store, so we went to one of our favorite mexican restaurants, Chango's. Bowie was SO tired. You can see it in his stare while sipping coconut aqua fresca. But he also was SO hungry and ate all of his quesadilla and half of an avacado. Although there were quite a few other children there, Bowie sat in his chair chatting away with us. He is getting so good at conversation. I can see it in Chris' eyes how surprised he is by the things Bowie says. A few days ago Bowie started singing the Door's "Touch Me" and the look on his papa's face was amazing- full of surprise and pride. Later he said that he was nearly in tears to hear him really singing out the notes. Of course he was also drumming while singing. I need to capture these little drum sets that Bowie sets up. He will get his all his drums and cymbals (some of them real, some of them made from block boxes) and put his microphone stand in the just the right spot so that he can sing while druming. It is adorable. I need to use the video camera more!!!!

Bathroom Reader

Bowie had come running to me saying that he'd peed, pointing to my bedroom. I found the puddle by the backdoor and went to clean it up. When I walked through hall to the laundry closet, I saw this adorable vision. He loves to look at his catalogs. Magic Cabin, Hearth Song, and Guitar Center are his favorites. He also has his first magazine subscrption to Your Big Backyard, from Grandma Karen and Grandpa John. Well, for a few weeks he'll be all about using the potty. Now he's sort of off it lately. Perhaps just as well since we'll be travelling next week. It will happen more peacefully if I let him show me when he's ready. So far he's proven that to be true over and over.

Bath

No struggles to bathe here. Never has been. It's always a nice break in the day. I got these bathtub "stickers" last week. They've been a fun addition to the water toys. For some reason Bowie says, "A for mama."

Dancing Fool

Today Chris and I went to Pedernales State Park and sat int he river while Bowie stayed at my folk's house. He had a great time and so did we. Being out in nature with Bowie is wonderful. He explores and so do I. He asks questions about the animals and plants which leads me to look for the answers. But being in nature without Bowie is wonderful too. Chris and I settled ourselves into a little pool of river rapids. The current was REALLY strong. It was like getting a water massage. We couldn't have done that with Bowie. It was nice to have our guard down. Tomorrow is our 10th anniversary of dating. That first night we went swimming. He said that he was going to move to Seattle and wasn't looking for a girlfriend. I warned him that if he dated me, he would fall in love with me and want to be with me. I knew it was true. Immediately we were right for eachother. And now it is ten years later. I love him completely, holding nothing back from him at all. It is so wonderful to love that way.

Afterwards we stopped at the Salt Lick for dinner. Family style b-b-q. Here is Bowie dancing to a couple of guys playing a Beatles tune that strangely and wonderfully sounded a bit like acoustic Guided by Voices.

If You are Happy

This boy loves jumping on his bed. Of course I fear and expect a fall soon. But it is truly one of life's greatest joys and I don't have the heart to discourage it.

Long Haired Boy

The trick is conditioner. Lots of it. And combing while the conditioner is still in. A friend suggested making "boyish" barrettes. Glue on a skateboard, a car, a dinosaur. Hmmmm. Maybe. Probably not. I might try a bandana though.

Bowie's Not a Baby

Bowie's a baby. Bowie's not a baby. The other day he repeated these two statements in a loop for the longest time. Without any questioning or silliness in his voice, because both are equally true. These photos show that he is undoubtably not a baby when in the cutest toddler vans and on a bike. We practice sitting on big bikes all of the time. He realizes that he can't ride them, but just wants to climb on, hold the handlebars, and sit onthe seat. He can identify the frame, seat, pedals, wheels, handlebars and chain.

But he will always be my baby. I tell him so all of the time. Even when he is a BIG man like papa, even when he can pick me up, he will still be my baby.

Moses Basket

He once was tiny, swallowed up by this basket. It is now the home to his stuffed animals, but Bowie loves to pull it out from beneath the bench and throw them all out and play in it. It's a boat, he's a baby, it's a nest. My goodness he's fun.

Window Drawing

Bowie asked me if he could draw on the window with markers. I thought about it and decided why not? It will wash off. I try to let him express himself as creatively as he wishes, as long as it is safe and respectful.

Animal train

I have very happy memories of using wooden nesting blocks with red edges and old fashioned mother goose illustrations as an animal train. In the living room. On Walton Lane. Today Bowie was pulling out his stuffed anilmals, tossing them around his room and I all of a sudden remembered that game and knew that I had to pass it on. Daydream come true. Daily.

Teensy Teal

teensy teal
Originally uploaded by autumn fawn.

I got out the new shiny markers this afternoon. Bowie drew an amazing picture (yes, I am his biggest fan) . He drew a bird, a dinosaur, a boat with six seats from which people were fishing, water, and robots playing drums. And I read all of the colors names to him which he would practice saying, "teensy teal, that's right, teensy teal."

Fourth of July

We aren't really a flag waving family. But a day that Chris gets to stay home from work and go to Barton Springs is a special one! Follow with fireworks and it's a banner day. Bowie is such an awesome swimmer. He's not propelling or floating himself yet, but he has a total comfort which I think is really important. It really is fun to go to the pool with him. During the evening we met my family at Whole Foods for fireworks. It started raining and cut the Eggmen's show short (Beatles cover band) and most peple left but we braved it as Bowie has no problems with splashing in puddles. He was fearful of the fireworks at first, but Nonnie held him and he enjoyed it, waking up this morning talking about fireworks.

Carwash

Chris and Bowie washed my car this weekend. Bowie ended up in the bucket of soapy water as you can see. The boy just simply cannot resist water.

Baby Nursling

It's been a month since we last nursed. It was the Friday afternoon before he turned 2. I cried. Exactly a week before Bowie's birthday was the time that could have been forgotten. He nursed to sleep and then for five days, didn't nurse again. He asked, I offered, he pretended to nurse, he kissed my breasties, he laid on them...but didn't nurse. And that Friday afternoon when he asked to nurse and DID nurse, well, I knew that I couldn't go back now. I cried as he slept. This may be the only child I have, the only person I nurse. And was it really over? Yes.

I had philosophically committed to child led weaning. But I hadn't seen it happen in person. Just a week or so before I had a conversation with a wonderful friend about nursing. I had said, "You know I think they give up naps around four. If he needs to nurse to sleep then I think I can do this until then. As long as he needs it, I have no problem with that." And I do think I might have if he needed me to. But he didn't. And I was frankly relieved. And shocked. Just days before we couldn't take a shower without him wanting to nurse, reaching for me with jubilant expectaion. He still expressed great admiration. What happened?

I have a few theories. One is that he heard that conversation and decided, "Hey, I AM done napping. I don't want to nap anymore so I won't nurse anymore." For weeks previously he had been asking to nurse on the couch, in the chair, on the floor. I believe it's because he knew that everytime he nursed he slept. For most of the past year the only time he nursed was to fall asleep on the bed. So first he tried eliminating the bed, then found something he could truly control. If he didn't nurse, perhaps he wouldn't have to sleep! Eureka! If this was his intention, he has been partially successful. Nap time is very different now. And naps don't happen everyday. It's harder. Sometimes I wish that he still nursed.

The other is that he overheard another conversation with another friend. We were driving home from a strawberry farm and our children were asleep behind us. She told me that her boyfriend wanted her to stop nursing before their daughter turned two. I bit my tongue. I don't really relish bashing men we love. But I wondered if Bowie somehow heard this. Unlikey.

But the one that may seem to be the farthest fetched idea is the one in which I place the most confidence. His needs were met. He knew this. He chose to stop. I know that this sounds crazy to many. But to me, it is just another of many proofs Bowie has shown me that he will mature with his own inborn grace without me pressing him to race towards independence. Because it is his choice, this is his true independence. I know how lucky we are. This is rare. I have many totally loving, patient friends who have not experienced the end of nursing in this way. I know better than to imagine that I brought this to fruition or that Bowie is some sort of marvel of self-esteem (although he IS my buddha baby). But I know I helped it happen by being open to it.

That Friday afternoon Bowie slept on my bed and I wondered what to do. Could I go back to nursing again, after five days? No. He had shown me that he didn't need to nurse. He had shown me that I was ready to let go of my mother's milk. When he woke up, I held him and told him that we could nurse one more special tme. That this would be the last time we ever nursed. He declined.