Mother Nature's son

I look at these photos and I see how big and adventurous and strong my son is. I see him at ease in nature, a huge world to explore. I grew up camping. Car camping,nothing especially adventurous, but I grew up loving it. I spent a lot of time around a campfire, skinnydipping, cooking outside, finding special stones. Seeing Bowie enjoy the earth, the water, the sky is beautiful and promising to me.

It's Bigger than You

One of the things I love about camping with Bowie is that he experiences nature, the world, in a large and powerful state. I'm such a pagan at heart.

Forest Friends

Forest Friends, originally uploaded by autumn fawn.

We got back home yesterday from the Santa Fe National Forest. It was a great adventure for us. My friend and former teaching partner came along with her son. Those boys were so cute and fun together. Thye had a few challenging moments between them, but they had more hugs and sharing. It wasn't as chilly or rainy as usual, but sure was a welcome break from the horrible heat here.

Called to the Mountains

Ten years ago Chris and I made our first trip to the Pecos Wilderness of New Mexico. We undoubtably fell in love there, for good with no turning back. Chris can't go with us this year because of our trip to Malibu, but I decided last minute that if I cuold get my friend Kendal to come along with her son, that I had to go back. We will be meeting up with John and Karen where they are running basecamp for St Mark's. Ahhhh, the mountains. I am called.

Getty Center

And for me, museum and art lover that I am, the Getty Center was the highlight of the trip. It is the most amazing space, a place you must choose to travel to by tram after parking your car down hill. That journey to this place that it all on it's own really intensified the experience for me. While we didn't get to see much outside of the Family Hall and Elliot Porter's photography exhibit, it was a wonderful place. Lunch in the gorgeous restaurant was excellent (Chris made the best choices with onion soup and half order of mussels). Lounging on the lawns was dreamy. It felt like Europe, like an island to itself a bit.

The Blue Hockney Family Portrait is not my best in technique but I love it. Finally a pic of all of us, in a fun way, in homage to artists and learning. It was taken in an Hockney exhibit for children. I only had the chance to snap one before a slew of girls took over.

Natural History Museum

Chris, Bowie and I visited the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County on the USC campus after a morning at the tar pits. The pits were cool (not a must see for everyone, but a great trip for us since Bowie is so interested in fossils and skeletons right now). But this museum was truly great. We only went to the dinosaur halls and the children's wing, but the exhibits were good and the building was old and stunning in that style of architecture. Bowie had a fabulous time in the children's wing. It was truly fabulous with live animals, and so many real hands on expereinces. A homeschooler's dreamland for natural sciences. But Bowie appreciated it mostly for it's stage. He somersaulted, air drummed, danced, hopped and jumped off the edge for at least 30 minutes all on his own. We just sat in the audience and watched. He's a natural.

Santa Monica Pier

We were just short drive from the Santa Monica pier. We went one evening when John and Peter were at a ballgame. It was quite a scene. Touristy, but also fishing going on all along the pier. I am kicking myself for not photographing the wooden slabs spaced out on the railing for people to cut their bait (fish and mussels and pocketknives). After a much anticipated ice cream treat (during which Chris realized that he can no longer just dump out Bowie's ice cream into a cup without asking first), we went on the ferris wheel. Bowie wasn't sure that he wanted to because there were people screaming all around us on the roller coaster and dragon boat, but Chris kept telling him that no one was screaming on the ferris wheel. We went around once then were asked to get off because it was being "finicky" but we could get back on in a minute. Bowie didn't want to and again I applaud his caution in such matters. He did seem to enjoy it though while we were up. It was all dark and the lights were truly spectacular.

The next day we went to the Santa Monica farmer's market and breathed a sigh of relief, NORMAL people. Our kind of people. It felt like home. And we met up with a photographer from flickr. She came with her adorable son and her sweet husband (she's afraid to make unprotect left turns she explained) and we headed back to the pier to take some photos. Saddly, my battery was low so I had to be very conservative in my shooting but it was a treat to meet her and take photos of Danny. She got some really cute photos of Bowie, as well. It is so cool to see him through another's lens.

The third photo shows Bowie and I under the pier. He was very sensitive and shy during our meetup. Chris carried him 90% of the time and here he is sitting with me with his hand on my knee. Oh how I love him and treasure his open affection for as long as it lasts.

Point Dume

We went to the beach one day. Point Dume. Bowie was not a fan. Nor I, frankly; however it was truly beautiful and I loved the people watching (one day I'll get up the nerve to take photos of strangers). The water was really strong. Really strong. So while I look forward to him confidently venturing out into one day in the future, it is totally okay with me that he didn't want to have anything to do with it yet. He did enjoy the sand a bit. Andrea walked Ashley to sleep, Chris and Peter boogie boarded and threw the ball a bit, John and Karen kept Bowie happy. Chris and I took a beach walk and then went floating out past the breaks. Coming in was scary. I was pulled off my feet when walking, was running in air and came down on my feet running out of it. Can't believe that I didn't fall.

Long Beach Aquarium

Our first morning we woke up and went to the Long Beach Aquarium with the grandfolks. A nice one! Bursting with visitors. Bowie had a fantastic time, lingering at the tanks longer than any of us would have. I can't really express in words what it does so me to see him so entranced, mesmerized. The teacher in me is screaming teachable moment. And it was. But I say it with these photos, showing his experience as I see it.

He has been talking about it even a week later. Today he sat on my lap and looked at the photos, asking to look at the jelly fish and shark egg again. He loves the photo of him with the shark. We got a bag of sea animal toys and he's been playing with those in the tub and around the house (no spiky toys (squid, crab, manta ray, lobster) are permitted in the tub with him though, Bowie's orders).

The Balcony

The beach house was right along Pacific Coast Highway. It has two levels of balconies. The amin living space openned up to this one. The doors were always open because we had no air conditioning (for get getting a break form the Texas summer). For the first few hours Bowie was totally transfixed by the ocean. It was pounding the rocks below us, to the point of feeling it in the house. No wonder Bowie was afraid of geeting into the water.

Meeting Ashley

We finally got to meet our niece Ashley! Chris's brother Peter lives in Hong Kong. It was a huge treat for my inlaws, John and Karen. It was so evident how thrilled they were to have all their kids and grandkids together. Ashley is a very happy and big eyed beauty. She's got hazel eyes so far, just fascinating to have all those colors. There were a few undocuemented hugs and kisses between the cousins. Heartmelting until Bowie pushed her away. Then he'd want to hold and do it all again. His social skills just bloomed this vacation. But it was clearly a struggle for him. He was exhibiting a tad bit of jealousy/anxiety about having a baby around. And he shutdown every once in awhile, either by meltdown or total clinging. But the joy and communication and shared experiences were enormous.

I'm Gonna Ride Airplane

I'm Gonna Ride Airplane, originally uploaded by autumn fawn.

to California Beach. I'll go high in clouds. I see Grandma, and Grandpa, and Uncle Peter, Cousin Ashley, and Aunt Andrea. All the while making flight with his hand in the air.

We are back from Malibu! Tired, so tired. But excited about the adventures we had.

Bowie was really really excited about riding an airplane. I checked out books about them and borrowed a playschool airport set from connections. We learned al sorts of specific vocabulary. Like that the thing you walk through (on the right) is called a jet bridge. And that these airplanes can't go backwards so an airport tugger pushes them to the runway.

Malibu

I will just take a moment since I am supposed to be napping (ah, the luxuries of vacation!) We are in Malibu sharing a beach house with Chris' family. We spent the morning in the sand where Bowie pretty much stayed in a 20 square foot radius doing somersaults over the sandhills and playing the sand buckets/drums. The men broke two boogie boards (Chris broke one the day before on his first run) and I went out into the waves too. I will begrudglingly admit that it was a bit fun, but I got sea sick and salt water in my eyes to the point of crying. I hate the beach, unfortunately. Bowie is afraid of the ocean which in this case is smart and healthy. The waves are really big. I am very disappointed that it is hot here. And no ac, of course. Am having fun getting to know our niece Ashley a bit. She is just starting to get on her hands and knees. Bowie is having a bit of a hard time sharing the attention with her and is calling himself a baby and acting accordingly, sweet dear. Off to sleep with a bandana tied over my eyes to escape the ever present sun.

Chango's

Just some snaps I took at dinner last night. Chris got home late from work and I hadn't been able to get to the grocery store, so we went to one of our favorite mexican restaurants, Chango's. Bowie was SO tired. You can see it in his stare while sipping coconut aqua fresca. But he also was SO hungry and ate all of his quesadilla and half of an avacado. Although there were quite a few other children there, Bowie sat in his chair chatting away with us. He is getting so good at conversation. I can see it in Chris' eyes how surprised he is by the things Bowie says. A few days ago Bowie started singing the Door's "Touch Me" and the look on his papa's face was amazing- full of surprise and pride. Later he said that he was nearly in tears to hear him really singing out the notes. Of course he was also drumming while singing. I need to capture these little drum sets that Bowie sets up. He will get his all his drums and cymbals (some of them real, some of them made from block boxes) and put his microphone stand in the just the right spot so that he can sing while druming. It is adorable. I need to use the video camera more!!!!

Bathroom Reader

Bowie had come running to me saying that he'd peed, pointing to my bedroom. I found the puddle by the backdoor and went to clean it up. When I walked through hall to the laundry closet, I saw this adorable vision. He loves to look at his catalogs. Magic Cabin, Hearth Song, and Guitar Center are his favorites. He also has his first magazine subscrption to Your Big Backyard, from Grandma Karen and Grandpa John. Well, for a few weeks he'll be all about using the potty. Now he's sort of off it lately. Perhaps just as well since we'll be travelling next week. It will happen more peacefully if I let him show me when he's ready. So far he's proven that to be true over and over.

Bath

No struggles to bathe here. Never has been. It's always a nice break in the day. I got these bathtub "stickers" last week. They've been a fun addition to the water toys. For some reason Bowie says, "A for mama."

Dancing Fool

Today Chris and I went to Pedernales State Park and sat int he river while Bowie stayed at my folk's house. He had a great time and so did we. Being out in nature with Bowie is wonderful. He explores and so do I. He asks questions about the animals and plants which leads me to look for the answers. But being in nature without Bowie is wonderful too. Chris and I settled ourselves into a little pool of river rapids. The current was REALLY strong. It was like getting a water massage. We couldn't have done that with Bowie. It was nice to have our guard down. Tomorrow is our 10th anniversary of dating. That first night we went swimming. He said that he was going to move to Seattle and wasn't looking for a girlfriend. I warned him that if he dated me, he would fall in love with me and want to be with me. I knew it was true. Immediately we were right for eachother. And now it is ten years later. I love him completely, holding nothing back from him at all. It is so wonderful to love that way.

Afterwards we stopped at the Salt Lick for dinner. Family style b-b-q. Here is Bowie dancing to a couple of guys playing a Beatles tune that strangely and wonderfully sounded a bit like acoustic Guided by Voices.

If You are Happy

This boy loves jumping on his bed. Of course I fear and expect a fall soon. But it is truly one of life's greatest joys and I don't have the heart to discourage it.

Long Haired Boy

The trick is conditioner. Lots of it. And combing while the conditioner is still in. A friend suggested making "boyish" barrettes. Glue on a skateboard, a car, a dinosaur. Hmmmm. Maybe. Probably not. I might try a bandana though.

Bowie's Not a Baby

Bowie's a baby. Bowie's not a baby. The other day he repeated these two statements in a loop for the longest time. Without any questioning or silliness in his voice, because both are equally true. These photos show that he is undoubtably not a baby when in the cutest toddler vans and on a bike. We practice sitting on big bikes all of the time. He realizes that he can't ride them, but just wants to climb on, hold the handlebars, and sit onthe seat. He can identify the frame, seat, pedals, wheels, handlebars and chain.

But he will always be my baby. I tell him so all of the time. Even when he is a BIG man like papa, even when he can pick me up, he will still be my baby.

Moses Basket

He once was tiny, swallowed up by this basket. It is now the home to his stuffed animals, but Bowie loves to pull it out from beneath the bench and throw them all out and play in it. It's a boat, he's a baby, it's a nest. My goodness he's fun.

Window Drawing

Bowie asked me if he could draw on the window with markers. I thought about it and decided why not? It will wash off. I try to let him express himself as creatively as he wishes, as long as it is safe and respectful.

Animal train

I have very happy memories of using wooden nesting blocks with red edges and old fashioned mother goose illustrations as an animal train. In the living room. On Walton Lane. Today Bowie was pulling out his stuffed anilmals, tossing them around his room and I all of a sudden remembered that game and knew that I had to pass it on. Daydream come true. Daily.

Teensy Teal

teensy teal
Originally uploaded by autumn fawn.

I got out the new shiny markers this afternoon. Bowie drew an amazing picture (yes, I am his biggest fan) . He drew a bird, a dinosaur, a boat with six seats from which people were fishing, water, and robots playing drums. And I read all of the colors names to him which he would practice saying, "teensy teal, that's right, teensy teal."

Fourth of July

We aren't really a flag waving family. But a day that Chris gets to stay home from work and go to Barton Springs is a special one! Follow with fireworks and it's a banner day. Bowie is such an awesome swimmer. He's not propelling or floating himself yet, but he has a total comfort which I think is really important. It really is fun to go to the pool with him. During the evening we met my family at Whole Foods for fireworks. It started raining and cut the Eggmen's show short (Beatles cover band) and most peple left but we braved it as Bowie has no problems with splashing in puddles. He was fearful of the fireworks at first, but Nonnie held him and he enjoyed it, waking up this morning talking about fireworks.

Carwash

Chris and Bowie washed my car this weekend. Bowie ended up in the bucket of soapy water as you can see. The boy just simply cannot resist water.

Baby Nursling

It's been a month since we last nursed. It was the Friday afternoon before he turned 2. I cried. Exactly a week before Bowie's birthday was the time that could have been forgotten. He nursed to sleep and then for five days, didn't nurse again. He asked, I offered, he pretended to nurse, he kissed my breasties, he laid on them...but didn't nurse. And that Friday afternoon when he asked to nurse and DID nurse, well, I knew that I couldn't go back now. I cried as he slept. This may be the only child I have, the only person I nurse. And was it really over? Yes.

I had philosophically committed to child led weaning. But I hadn't seen it happen in person. Just a week or so before I had a conversation with a wonderful friend about nursing. I had said, "You know I think they give up naps around four. If he needs to nurse to sleep then I think I can do this until then. As long as he needs it, I have no problem with that." And I do think I might have if he needed me to. But he didn't. And I was frankly relieved. And shocked. Just days before we couldn't take a shower without him wanting to nurse, reaching for me with jubilant expectaion. He still expressed great admiration. What happened?

I have a few theories. One is that he heard that conversation and decided, "Hey, I AM done napping. I don't want to nap anymore so I won't nurse anymore." For weeks previously he had been asking to nurse on the couch, in the chair, on the floor. I believe it's because he knew that everytime he nursed he slept. For most of the past year the only time he nursed was to fall asleep on the bed. So first he tried eliminating the bed, then found something he could truly control. If he didn't nurse, perhaps he wouldn't have to sleep! Eureka! If this was his intention, he has been partially successful. Nap time is very different now. And naps don't happen everyday. It's harder. Sometimes I wish that he still nursed.

The other is that he overheard another conversation with another friend. We were driving home from a strawberry farm and our children were asleep behind us. She told me that her boyfriend wanted her to stop nursing before their daughter turned two. I bit my tongue. I don't really relish bashing men we love. But I wondered if Bowie somehow heard this. Unlikey.

But the one that may seem to be the farthest fetched idea is the one in which I place the most confidence. His needs were met. He knew this. He chose to stop. I know that this sounds crazy to many. But to me, it is just another of many proofs Bowie has shown me that he will mature with his own inborn grace without me pressing him to race towards independence. Because it is his choice, this is his true independence. I know how lucky we are. This is rare. I have many totally loving, patient friends who have not experienced the end of nursing in this way. I know better than to imagine that I brought this to fruition or that Bowie is some sort of marvel of self-esteem (although he IS my buddha baby). But I know I helped it happen by being open to it.

That Friday afternoon Bowie slept on my bed and I wondered what to do. Could I go back to nursing again, after five days? No. He had shown me that he didn't need to nurse. He had shown me that I was ready to let go of my mother's milk. When he woke up, I held him and told him that we could nurse one more special tme. That this would be the last time we ever nursed. He declined.