A Few Recent Favorites

I've spent this month developing a love affair with my new camera and the light in and around our home. I haven't taken this many photos in a long time. Bowie indulges me. We make win/win agreements. Yesterday when he was saying he wanted me to set up his bouncy house and I was saying that I wanted to take a few photos of him he said, "I care about your feelings and what you want Mama." My dear dear boy. During a trying day of emotional interactions, he gives me this gift. I've really been pushing myself with my photo editting as well, using different actions and textures in Photoshop and applying presets in Adoble Camera Raw. I even made my first simple action! I am not naturally computer savvy, so learning these things really must be a conscious task on my part.

Sharing Passions II

When I met Bowie's papa he was drumming in 2 bands, had his drumset in his living room, practiced almost everyday, played at least a show a week. When I began feeling the need to have a baby in our family, he asked me to wait a couple of years. He said that he wasn't ready to be the papa he knew he would want to be. So I waited and was part of his rock and roll lifestyle, happily and willingly but tapping my fingers nonetheless. (We now smile upon the weary childless couples we see barely rising for their first meal at 2pm while we have been going full stop since 7am.) The time came when he was ready. And Bowie came. And shows got cut, and rehearsals dwindled down, and the band wanted to tour and...now Chris plays once a week with some other rock loving papas (and one single rock loving lady) and recently he splurged on an electric drumset so that he could practice at home (which in our new home is placed next to Bowie's own set). He has two headsets so that Bowie can listen in while he shows off. It is really impressive. I fill with more, more love for him as I see him do what he loves and then overflow as I see him sharing it with Bowie.

As with my photography, we aren't invested in him following us and our passions, but we are sure that him seeing us do what we love will lead him to do what he loves.

Loving Cousins

Yesterday was a beautiful cool day so we went to the zoo with my parents and Bowie's older cousin Honey. My family went to this zoo a lot when I was a child. I have a lot of good memories there and it was fun to be sharing that again with my folks. The lions roared, the snow leopard was fluffed up, the grizzly bear was watching us watch him, the python was slithering, the sun was shining, the air was crisp and we ended the day at a greasy spoon. Honey and Bowie sat next to each other and my favorite moment of the day happened here.

Honey said, "Bowie, I fell in love with you." She looked at him, repeating and smiling, repeating and batting her eyelashes. Bowie finally answered, "Honey, I care about how you feel." OH the silly sweetness still fills me.

Sharing Passions

Lately Bowie has really been enjoying photography. Since I now have 2 bodies, Bowie has been using my d70 some. He changes composition vertically and horizontally. He asks for the light lens when he sees that I've put on the zoom. And he says, "You are gonna love these." while watching the playback. It's so fun to be sharing one of my great passions with him. Really looking forward to seeing how this evolves. I promised that I'd adjust the neck strap to fit him.

Moving In and Getting Messy

Bowie is getting really into messy independent play in his room. It's fun! Lots of rediscovery of old toys. It can be a real struggle for me to keep my order needs in check. It's his space. These objects are only valuable if he uses them. Sometimes I just have to walk away so that I won't interfere with requests for things to be put away. Other times I can shed those control tendencies by getting out my camera. Through the viewfinder I can see how interesting, beautiful, and meaningful these messy playtimes are in a way that can sometimes elude me.

Loving his new room so much. A few weeks ago I woke up in Bowie's bed (he has a full size platform so that we can be comfortable together in either bedroom) and very first thing he said was, "This place is so lovely. Thank you for buying this house." I just glowed with happiness for us all. We are so lucky.

Monster Towel

The thing I most looked forward to giving to Bowie this year was this hooded towel. It is made with a thick terry. It is fun. It is handmade! He loves getting wrapped up in towels but gets frustrated when they fall off. When I saw this I knew that he would love it. And he does. It gives him comfort and inspires him, what a combination.

I will need to add some sort of tie or snap at the collar to really ensure that it stays on but otherwise I find it perfect. The edges unraveled at bit at first washing but I think it gives it a welcome soft look. The price is hefty, but I am glad the money went to something beautiful and made with creativity.

If you need your own...Mayhar Drygoods

Christmas at Home

This is the first time Chris and I have awoken in our own home for Christmas. I have been waiting and waiting for this day with my child. I do enjoy the extended family Christmas too, but the intimate, quiet morning with my child and husband was one of the best Christmas mornings ever. We stayed up late the night before being the Christmas elves setting up his new domino race set (totally inspired by all the domino racing we did at Thanksgiving) so that when he woke up and came into the living room he'd see this magical, colorful maze with bridges and bell. He then leisurely opened his 4 wrapped gifts and opened his stocking. It really warmed our hearts to see how interested and appreciative he was of each one. Perhaps the DK Ultimate Star Wars book was his favorite. Or the handmade (sadly, not by me) monster cape towel may have been the fave...time will tell. And looking out the window when setting up his Rainbow Maker I saw the surprise gift that Chris had been hinting at for a couple of weeks- a bike for me and a trailer bike for Bowie. We have been riding everyday since.

Our evening and afternoon was shared with my mom, sis, niece nephew and mom's family. It's wonderful to have the energy of the children at these events. And we are so lucky to have so much family near us. As the day grew longer, Bowie said at one point, "I've had enough presents." I wonder if we'll ever hear those words again?

Snow

A wonderfully crafty friend of mine (who I believe has even met Martha Stewart herself, who is inspiring and infuriating all at the same time to me) had a little snow globe making shindig. So fun. So fun. He chose two snowmen and a trumpet, clear and blue glitter. I did that gluing and such but he had this real true felling of having made something. Wonderful. He held it and looked at it all day. I had to make my own at home. Not perfect. Not Martha. But fun nonetheless. And good for my perfectionist tendencies...to just enjoy the process, for Bowie to see me making something that isn't perfect but is still full of joy and magic.

Play With Me

I have a new camera. The Nikon D300. It looks to be wonderful and intimidating as well. I want to learn it through and through to utilize all the benefits. But I need to update my computer a bit to work with the RAW files. I haven't played around with it much yet. Reading the manual still. But I do know that I love the 51 focal points! And I may stray from manual a bit since the exposure programs seem quite good.

Bowie and I played and played Thursday afternoon in his room. It gets beautiful afternoon light. He let me take pictures of what I wanted in exchange for many many photos of him with his pillow case on his head. I can't share those photos here though because that was all he had on, besides a necklace. Oh, and fingernail polish. Hee hee heeeee. We've painted his nails twice this week. Love my boy. The joy and silliness and openness.

The Snail that Broke His Heart

Bowie took such good care of this snail for a whole morning. He brought it snacks of leaves and observed it...he said it was the most special, beautiful snail ever. But some electricians that came over stepped on it and Bowie was inconsolable for over an hour. Later that night we was telling his papa about it and said that it broke his heart. 5 days later, he is still talking about being sad...

but not so sad that when given the opportunity to make a wish at a penny fountain that his wish was for a mean alien as a pet rather than a whole snail again.

A Civilized Prehistoric Turtle

...that's what he saw carved there. My word! I didn't press the six flippers discrepancy.

Turn Turn Turn

Time has been turning on and on here. We have been traveling for the past two weeks. First to Illinois for Chris' grandma's memorial service and them "camping" for Thanksgiving. It has been strange to have been away so much this first month here in our new home. So much to process, to enjoy, to remember.

Here is Bowie at the edge of the Mississippi. This was his great grandparents' front yard. His grandpa grew up in the house that was built by hand and bit by bit when cash was available. His papa spent every summer here. Great grandpa Duard's ashed were spilled into this river at this spot 8 years ago. Although great grandma Betty moved out of the house afterward, we all assembled there again so that her ashes could mingle with her husband's in the river that they both loved so much. I read Margaret Wise Brown's The Dead Bird to Bowie a couple of times during this trip and he was definitely working through what it meant to be dead, what it meant to miss someone. Although he only met her a few times, he said that he loved her and that she loved him. After the service he took the microphone from the pulpit and said over and over again (volume off) that he loved her and was sad she was dead. Then he sang Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast (HA!)


One day at home to unpack and pack again before heading out for a chilly Thanksgiving. The past 9 years we have camped all but 2. This year we didn't think we could swing the preparation needed (not to mention find all the necessary equipment in our many unopened boxes from the move.) So we were so lucky to be invited to spend the holiday at a wilderness education ranch Chris' mom's school has. My folks came out and we had 400 acres to ourselves (cows, horses and dogs shared it with us.) It was wonderful. A huge lodge, big kitchen, fireplaces all ever the place, ping pong table, games,...and all the grandparents together! We had so many amazing meals (my inlaws love to cook.) We hiked everyday. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. No presents, no commercialism, just family and good food and, for us, always the presence of nature.

The first night we got back we drove by our former house to see it has already been reduced to a massive pile of rubble. It was late at night and we could hardly see so I thought maybe Bowie didn't know where we were or what we were seeing but he did. He said, "Our house was cut down." He was not upset at all. I, on the other hand, felt in shock for a few hours. But to all things there is a season. A time to end and to begin.

Moving On

We have our closing for our old house tomorrow. Today Bowie and I went to say goodbye. I touched the walls of each room and said thanks for the shelter, the memories, the lives we lived there. I touched the spot of the floor where Bowie was born and cried. This house will be torn down and new one built there. I have some sadness about that to be sure. But we are so thrilled with our new home that I really can walk away with more joy than regret.

All Time Favorite Night

Hurray, Bowie's favorite time of year. Hmm, how we he say it, "Halloween is my all time favorite night." He loved every aspect of it. Carving the pumpkin.



Early trick or treating (when he still wore the horns, they lasted about an hour).

And partying and trick or treating in our new wonderful neighborhood. Such a treat to see so many families out, having fun and making joy! I was smiling all night and I'd forget that my face was painted until I caught a curious or cautious gaze. Our great friends a couple of blocks away had their second annual Halloween party. SO fun. I took homemade Butternut Squash and Apple Soup. We pulled to the party in our wagon. Total bliss for me. Last year we left that party with me saying that we had to move over here. And here we are.




Saddly, Bowie's great grandma in Illinois passed October 31. She had just turned 89. We will miss her.

Out of the Old, Into the New

We move tomorrow. Out of this house, the house in which I have lived the longest in my life, the house were love, marriage, baby happened. Out of summer, the first day we swam in our new pool but perhaps the last warm day of the year. Tonight I shed a few tears about leaving this place. But I also felt like the luckiest person in the world to be swimming in my new backyard with my big, beautiful, happy son. I can be sad and happy at the same time.

The Quiet Blogging Mama

Last week I decided that I wanted to be living a little less virtually. I wrote a letter to Bowie rather than write in my blog. I told him how he's been saying recently, "Mama, I want to go everywhere your breasties go." Hee heeeee. He'll get a laugh out of that one day. But I hope he never feels any shame about it. I don't. It's the first place of comfort he found in this world and I simply see it no other way. I also have been doing lots and lots of thinking and reading, mostly about radical unschooling (unschooling in relation to the law of attraction.) It's been so transforming and perplexing and freeing. I am so grateful for a life that allows us to ebb and flow, grow and grow. I also am thinking and feeling a lot about this choice I've made to be so public with our lives. In my heart, I think it's good in many ways. So many mamas reaching out to each other, sharing and growing together. And it's been amazing for me as a photographer as well. But...well I'm trying to identify my concerns and I'm just laying low for a while so I don't feel hurried.

Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy this photo of Bowie. He is in full anticipation of Halloween mode lately. We went to the party store yesterday and he chose red hairspray for his costume. He had to try it out this morning. Then he painted my face this afternoon (sorry no photo of the bushy black eyebrows and red streak from my lips into my nostril and out to my cheek).

Snakie

Bowie's dear snakie. For about a week he was the beloved toy. Went to Barton Springs, the grocery store, the park. Bowie held him curled in his lap, on his wrists, his neck.

And now snakie lies underfoot in the car. The love is so intense and short. He sometimes returns to these loves. Rediscovers an old passion. Maybe one day, he'll look back on these photos and rediscover these loves of his life.

Asleep Again

Asleep Again
Originally uploaded by autumn fawn

Hmmmm, I'm in one of my internal times. We are having wonderfully unscheduled days with lots of freedom so that when we get the call to vacate our house to show it (hoping someone sees some of what we've loved about our home) we can happily go out without feeling rushed and put upon. I am also doing lots of thinking about unschooling, the law of attraction, reading a new book Killing Monsters. And just loving my crazy , beautiful boy so! Life is quiet (not sure if that's the right word, something more like flowing) and good here. May it be so with yours.

Busy

Been very busy with work and fun here. Not sitting at the computer much these days. Chris and I had a great time at ACL. Yo la Tengo ripped it up and had the crowd loving it despite the noon day sun on our necks. I've seen them three times and two of their shows are on my all time top 10 list. We took a break in the heat of the day to walk to a local dinner and movie theater to see Balls of Fire. It was so awesome to be in a black air conditioned room sipping glass after glass of water and indulging in a root beer float. We made it back for Wilco/My Morning Jacket. Why they were booked simultaneously is a mystery to everyone. Frankly, I wish we'd spent more time with My Morning Jacket. I love Wilco. Love their new album. One of their shows that we saw In New Orleans during Jazz Fest at the Howling Wolf is in my top 3 concerts. But I've seen them 3 times since and never seen that energy again. My Morning Jacket on the other hand, is always exuberant. I really loved the Decemberists as well. Couldn't help but sing along. But they are a band that is better suited for a small stage. I wish they'd hook up with someone in theater if they continue arena type festivals. Their songs are so theatrical, I can really imagine a huge puppet show or play behind them.

Bowie went to Sea World with my folks. Sounds like he had a great time. It's still bit strange that we had separate weekends, made our own memories. But so good too. Bowie did go Friday night and enjoyed the festival experience as much as Bjork, who I would not have missed for the world, though we did leave early because Bowie was ready to go. I told him I really wanted to see if she played "I Miss You" and he agreed, so I got to hear one of my favorites before heading out. I wish we could have been up closer because I know he'd really connect with her crazy style.

We also are trying to sell our house. Had an open house yesterday. Must be ready to leave with the dog at the drop of a hat, so must keep the house in showing shape at all times. Time to turn on the anal! This morning Bowie said he wanted to make a mess, poor dear.

Austin City Limits

09_15_07_04
Originally uploaded by myguerrilla

This photo was taken by myguerilla. Found it on flcikr. Maybe I'll catch some good shots today. Our third day at the festival...Bjork and Arcade Fire were amazing. Really looking forward to the Decemberists and Yo La Tengo today.